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Lost my inspiration

I’ve had a severe depression for several years now, after I became disabled and lost my job as a result. I’ve tried antidepressants and while they helped keep me alive, I also felt so ~meh~ that I went off of them just to feel something at all. The worst part for me is the feeling of absolute numbness. I’m also an artist and I haven’t done any art in about 2 years. I just feel nothing. Thanks to the physical problems as well as the depression (a vicious cycle and a which-came-first situation) I have severe fatigue and pain, making it very hard to even stay awake many days. I’m struggling to find enough strength and energy to overcome the crash of my self confidence that happened after losing my career (I was a professional and an artist on the side). I want to work but I feel so fragile that the thought of actually putting myself out there again is so terrifying that the anxiety is paralyzing. I miss creating and I’m scared that this time it’s gone for good.

Wishing Vancouver had a little style

I wish people in Vancouver tried more when it comes to dressing nicely. Whenever I have friends and family visiting me they always remark about how everyone here wears black and grey. Vancouver is a sea of Blundstones and Rains jackets!

Building Manager

Is fantastic and gets a lot of things done, A LOT! But I also know he's not so nice to people who complain a lot, so I keep my trap shout that he NEVER WEARS A MASK! He's in contact with people all day too, closely. Also, very few building residents wear a mask and even still try to share an elevator. WTH is going on here!? Hello people, pandemic! I hope our building will not become a covid hotspots soon, but I have little hope of anything else.

Rent

My landlord takes 12 of my paychecks per year. I get the other 12. This is not fair at all

Backup Kismet

Fate didn't agree with what I thought was destiny, so I have been lost a long time trying to find my purpose. Now I pet stray cats. I don't even feed them, just pet them. They do tend to like me though. I'm not sure if that counts as a purpose.

Dating Apps

I realized a long time ago that dating apps just don't do it for me. It's impossible for me to find someone using apps to have a meaningful relationship with, although it may work for other folks. That said I still browse dating apps occasionally, but only when I'm doing something else that requires a distraction from real life.

I feel like

the world is over. But we’re all still alive, just hanging around waiting for the next thing to happen. It’s strange, no?

New masks

I find cloth masks on the ground And take them home and wash them and wear them! Wonder if Dr. Henry would agree with this?

70s bods

I spent all night watching made for TV movies from the 70s last night. They were cheesy but good. One thing I noticed were people’s bodies. I know it’s a movie so they’ve hired good looking and fit people but honestly everyone looked so fresh and naturally trim and healthy. I just don’t find that people look like that anymore. I think factory farming and fast food has really messed with people. Since when did XXS become a size? That used to just be a size 4 or a small. I think we all need to get serious about our health and the planet. Don’t just watch documentaries and think that things are doomed. Actually do something.

Love my mask

The first time I wore a mask, it was a non-medical mask from the dollar store. I bought ten, for ten dollars, thinking it would last the required number of wearings for this virus. I was sure a vaccine would be found. I thought about the mask all the time and how little I enjoyed it because it left a bad taste and smell in my mouth, but as this situation dragged on I finally found a couple of cloth masks that are easy to wear and thanks to my laundry detergent they smell fresh as well as covering my mouth and nose while remaining breathable. On short trips and longer ones, it is doing its job making me feel protected, isolated and safe, as crazy as that may sound. My mask is now my "friend" but two weeks ago I could not stand wearing one. I still lower it whenever possible to inhale fresh air through my nose, but it gives me a comforting feeling to wear it, much like a favorite blanket can give a feeling of cosy security.

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