I can tell you what I would do. First, you need to realize that no matter what he may say or do, when you meet each other again, is completely out of your control. You have no control over what he may say to you.

What you have, is complete control over what you may say or do, when the two of you face each other. With that said, I find, if you mentally slow yourself down 'inside', this will help you to relax. Slow your conversation habits, slow your walking habits. Be cognisant of one idea, 'to be slow and relaxed'. I hope this helps you in some way.

older male profs abusing their powers is the norm in Vancouver. i did my masters in a small department where basically all the male profs were sleeping with students. as a teaching assistant at that time (and now lecturer) i had/have plenty of chances to do the same, and didn't because it is definitely an abuse of power. now where are those students and where am i? many of them have careers. i had to go into another field. academia is f*cked.

You shouldn't have gossiped about him. Only solution now is to meet his needs and get him on your side. Have a few drinks with him and when the time comes close your eyes and pretend he's someone else. Once you get through that (and treat him well) you'll be able to have him do whatever you want.

1- Maybe the sleeping with students thing was made up by a pissed off student, and he's the one being screwed. You should have double checked that first before your decision to abort the position.

2- IF it's true, then the guy has nothing on you. His word against yours becomes you outing him about his 'practices'. That kind of scandal would be the last thing he needs if he's a respected prof.

3- Just turn on your phones voice recorder and record your encounter(s) with him, without him knowing! Hopefully he will dig his own grave. Even go so far as to tell him why you refused the job... and let him respond. Record it all secretly!

I'm someone who won't be pushed around or bullied. So this scenario is simple for me. Stand tall and look him in the eye!! If he wants to make trouble for you, go to whatever student body/council you need to to get support - with evidence!

What you've described is highly unethical. Even if it is now 'not strictly prohibited to have relations with people you work with anyway'... that doesn't give him any rights to intimidate, influence or slander you because you chose not to work for someone who sleeps with his students. He's on such a slippery slope if it really is as you describe.

But - you need to first make sure all of that is true. And that you can prove it, otherwise it really is his word against yours. Do your homework, research his behaviour, speak to other students - preferably ones who are/have slept w him. Record it all! If he then makes trouble, let him have it!!!

If it helps, talk to a legal person first. See where you stand legally/ethically

Say fuck it, smile and move on. Why let him win? Show that you don't give a shit about what he's done. Pursue what you want to do just keep your head up and don't let him get into your head. Show confidence. You did the right thing by saying you can't work with him. Come out on top. Don't get stuck thinking about all of this. Keep on truckin'

Older people have easier time letting go of insults received and served if they are in normal emotional range. I think you are overthinking how the other person is eager to revisit the slight he received from you. He may have forgotten, either willfully or accidentally, about it. Although from your description of his actions, he does seem on the extreme side of the drama scale. Your actions also can affect how this person respond by the way also. If you come off as past incidents as a non issue when in presence of this person, then they are more inclined to go along and downplay the past as well. Good luck!

Older people have easier time letting go of insults received and served if they are in normal emotional range. I think you are overthinking how the other person is eager to revisit the slight he received from you. He may have forgotten, either willfully or accidentally, about it. Although from your description of his actions, he does seem on the extreme side of the drama scale. Your actions also can affect how this person respond by the way also. If you come off as past incidents as a non issue when in presence of this person, then they are more inclined to go along and downplay the past as well. Good luck!

Will you choose pragmatism or principle?

It will cost you personally and professionally to try to sort this guy. Tenured professors have considerable power. Until he is discredited (if ever), he works from a position of strength, and you from a position of vulnerability. Crusades take time and resources, and I would not choose to pursue one, even if I (in your position) had both.

Find a similar curriculum elsewhere. This can't be the only school for it, and because of the what transpired, the well here will be poisoned for some time. If your references are sound and qualifications are sufficient, there is no reason for you to limit yourself to just this facility, or this faculty.

Life is to short for such things. Moving on is the best revenge.

Should you choose another school, you can look him in the eye when you meet, and honestly say that you decided to pursue other alternatives, without going into any detail.

That is technically true, and leads him to draw a conclusion that gets you off his radar. He can declare victory and go home, and you don't have to worry about him meddling elsewhere. You get what you want - a career in your desired field. He gets what he wants - ego validation. Ironically, that makes him more self-assured, which usually leads to carelessness, and eventually, downfall.

Every person in a position of power or authority, has within them the potential of their own undoing. You just need to help it along, and not fight it or stand in its way.

" i did my masters"

"with students. as a teaching assistant"

"(and now lecturer) i had/have"

"abuse of power. now where"

"where am i? many"

"careers. i had to go"

"into another field. academia"

Yah know what? It's too bad that, with all that education, you can't even compose a single sentence properly.

Even an elementary school child could spot half a dozen errors in that short post, without even trying hard.

Kinda shameful performance; I imagine you can do better but just don't care. And thus I don't care what you have to say.