So there's a pattern of frustrated confessions from women who don't understand why men don't approach and ask them out more often. There are many reasons why this is happening, but I think I can offer a little insight. Its not as simple as a lack of ambition and drive. First, there is the problem of men finding suitable employment. Someone posted that she just wanted a man with a job who lives on his own. Here's the thing about guys though. Men, by nature, cut to the quick. We read between the lines and get to the heart of what someone actually wants. Many of us are underemployed. We thought we did the right things to get ahead, but are stuck. I just read a story about a man with an Engineering degree who can't find a decent job. He's currently working in a deli. Now, if this person, who has a job and his own place (a tiny condo or basement suite), approached a woman and asked her out, unless she's in even sorrier shape than he is, chances are that she'd look at him with disgust and reject him. Men know instinctively that "just have a job and your own place" does not mean a basement suite and a job making sandwiches. So, because we don't want to waste your time or create an awkward situation where we bother you with a futile attempt at making a connection, we simply don't approach. I swear I'm not trying to write some whiny little MRA screed. I'm honestly just trying to express how a lot of men in this city feel. Also, you have to remember that a good job isn't just about money. Its also about self-respect. When a man doesn't feel confident or happy with himself because his career hasn't panned out, he's not really in the proper mindset to flirt or ask someone out. So once again, we don't approach. On a personal level, I don't approach because of the role ethnicity plays when it comes to dating in Vancouver. The culture at large implies, with few exceptions, that men who look like me are not desirable partners and, I suppose, I've internalized this message. I doubt that many women would want me approaching them whether I "had a job and my own place" or not. This is a difficult topic that rarely gets discussed in polite conversation and, when it does, it isn't discussed candidly. So there you have it. There's a specific pool of men who are considered date-worthy in Vancouver. Within that pool there are many men who are unhappy with where they are in life and so, they don't approach. That's the state of dating in Vancouver.