Just have to come clean

So, I am a recently separated guy. After my separation I contacted a woman from my past and we began seeing each other very now and again - for lunch and conversations. To be clear I have thought about this person many, many times over the years of my marriage and always felt that "what if" feeling about her. She was the one who got away. Turns out she felt the same way about me. The problem is she is married. She says she wants to end the marriage, which is great for us, but super super hard for her, for obvious reasons. Plus I feel like a major jerk for being the "other man". This woman is beautiful, smart and driven and I am batshit in love with her so I am going to wait for her until she is free and clear. Has anyone else been in this situation and have advice on how best to balance the growth of what is a clandestine relationship and the need we both have to not feel like utter shits?


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Aug 10, 2017 at 8:23pm

Sounds like a 21st century "problem".

All the best.

You're going to need it lol

11 8Rating: +3

It'll end up down the toilet

Aug 10, 2017 at 11:03pm

If there are children involved, then you, and her, are being utter shits. And the foundation of your relationship to be, would be utter shit.

Go for it

Aug 11, 2017 at 1:05am

Honestly, life is too short to not follow your heart. Just go for it, tell her to break it off if she's unhappy and you ca be together! Block out the noise of other people's opinions, because they don't matter. Yeah, it's kind of shitty. And maybe it won't work out. But it sounds like you already wondered what if for too long.

5 18Rating: -13

Judge Judy

Aug 11, 2017 at 11:53am

You are what is called a homewrecker. It won't be long before you are together but both secretly looking for greener pastures once again.

Been there

Aug 11, 2017 at 5:26pm

You have a special connection with each other...but you have to realize the years-long crush makes you look at her in an idealized way. She's perfect. Never done anything wrong, never stressed you out, has always been sweet, kind, sexy. You can't help but compare this memory/false memory with your recent ex-wife.

Been in your shoes but he didn't leave his wife. And it's okay. I got over it.

Good advice I received was that you should be single one month for every year you were together with your ex. It gives you time to rediscover yourself, so when you enter into a new relationship, you know who you are and what your updated values are. That is so very important to bring into a new relationship if you are looking for long-term. Anyone can do FWB but it's likely to burn out as you grow up as a single.

Good luck.

17 7Rating: +10

How about

Aug 12, 2017 at 8:31am

you separate with the married gf and let her break up with her husband if she wants to. That way when it gets messy, she has the room to look at all options. If you want each other you want each other and a separation of a year or so is not going to make that stop. If she really wants to leave her husband she will, then there is no guilt involved.

4 0Rating: +4

Hate to judge

Aug 13, 2017 at 1:52am

But the marriage vow is sacred and should be deeply respected.

2 3Rating: -1

Oh Lordy Lordy

Aug 13, 2017 at 3:52pm

How could you be so stupid as to trust a cheater? If she has kids and isn't being abused then you're double-dumb. Shit, I've been in love with a cheater before too but never did I bother thinking there was a future there. You're both delusional.

3 1Rating: +2

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