Just want it all to stop

I'm too depressed to get out of bed. I'm too sad to even care that I'm hungry, to get up and make myself something to eat which means it's serious because all I do is eat. I love food. I'm physically in pain because of how hungry I am but I just don't care enough to move. I'm basically catatonic. My boyfriend is going to dump me he basically told me because he can't handle my depression anymore.. which of course makes the depression worse. I've had three loved ones pass away this year, just lost my job because I wouldn't get out of bed and said screw it. My brother has become an abusive raging alcoholic because of the loved ones we lost and life has absolutely fallen apart. I've always been smart enough to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel when life seems dark but it seems my belief in that has dwindled out. I'm beyond sad and don't see a way out.

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You Seem LIke A Caring Person

Sep 13, 2017 at 5:20pm

why not adopt one of those hurricane rescue dogs?
that'll keep you busy

15 6Rating: +9

It has to get better

Sep 13, 2017 at 5:38pm

See a doctor, you should probably be eligible for assistance in employment. Clinical depression is a serious health issue, I know from experience. I don't even date anymore. Therapy could be beneficial. I should listen to my own advice. Thanks for making me feel a little less alone in my experience, I wish you a healthy future <3

22 6Rating: +16

Anonymous

Sep 13, 2017 at 6:51pm

I've suffered from severe treatment resistant depression, OCD, ptsd, and other chronic health issues for years. I know all too well how evil and insidious depression is and can be. Is there any support system you have in place? Family, friends? You need to focus on yourself and treatment, and processing the grief from your loved ones and healing and mental health treatment. Are you seeing anyone currently such as a therapist? You can get referred to a psychiatrist by a family doctor or medical clinic doctor. The wait times can be long. Ask around to see if someone can suggest anyone. An online support group can be helpful if you can't get out of the house in the meantime and helplines. It may start small with getting out of bed to eat cereal, and other small steps and slowly building up. A new treatment is tms, and you need to get an assessment and referral for it at vgh. It's quite new, and there are caveats. Depression is a bully, and an unrelenting asshole that is taxing. It is mentally and physically draining, and issues with eating and sleep are common. I still struggle, but take it one breath, one minute at a time. Please seek out treatment so you can live the life you deserve.

22 2Rating: +20

Feel better

Sep 13, 2017 at 7:40pm

Please get to a doctor and see about getting on some medication. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just can't see if right now. Grief can be very consuming. It does get better. Please take care. There are also many crisis lines you can call for help. http://www.crisislines.bc.ca/

12 2Rating: +10

Anonymous

Sep 13, 2017 at 7:47pm

I know this is hard, but you made a big step just talking about those feelings here. Please reach out to a counsellor to talk to, it just takes one phone call, or email. One small step, to help get you back onto a happier path. You are worth joy. Hugs to you xo

12 3Rating: +9

Hey

Sep 13, 2017 at 8:28pm

Hang in there. I know how difficult that can be- and the losses you've experienced are tremendous. Shame on your boyfriend for not sticking by you during this difficult time; that's his problem, not yours. Don't blame yourself, okay? This is a perfectly normal reaction to some really difficult things happening in your life right now. Try seeing a counselor that's got experience with grief/loss, it could really help.

If things really go south, and you start to think of hurting yourself, don't! You've got so much to live for. If things get really bad, call a helpline, okay? Do it. No questions asked, no hesitation, just do it. I've done it before and it's really helped. Now most of the pain is healed, and it's okay. You'll get there too. I promise. Hang in there and chin up, okay? Even commentators here are looking out for you and concerned. Feel free to even post here if you need support. Reddit is another great place to look for support if it's hard to get out of the house. Try listening to Blues music as well. Really helps me.

11 2Rating: +9

My heart hurts

Sep 13, 2017 at 9:19pm

I can entirely relate to this post and I feel so bad for you Op. This type of pain cannot be understood unless one has experienced it themselves. A severe depression such as yours really does require intervention in a medical sense, just to get you into a place where you can begin to heal. That might mean medication for a period of time, but at the very least you need to be cared for. A person who is this depressed can't care for themselves, any more than someone who is suffering from any other type of serious medical crisis can care for themselves. Please don't be afraid to make a genuine call for help. The fact that you're using GS Confessions to talk about it is a good sign because you still are able to reach out in some respect. Try calling a crisis line next time, if you can do that? I know exactly how hard that is, but I suspect that you don't really want to die, but you're just so emotionally exhausted that you don't know how to live. I'm sending you all of my heartfelt wishes for strength to you. Just hang on and know that you're not alone in this experience, even though you feel more alone than ever.

15 3Rating: +12

Late night reading

Sep 13, 2017 at 11:58pm

I'm so sorry to hear about the pain and suffering you are going through. I too have felt this when when I have lost someone very close to me. It takes time, but the days become less dark and light starts to find its way back to you. You've got to take care of you now. Get back to the basics of feeding yourself and showering, start small and work up to everything else. You are strong and life will keep going. Take one step at a time...

10 4Rating: +6

Icaretoo

Sep 14, 2017 at 8:17am

Not being in your shoes does not mean I don't have compassion for you, a stranger. Please find the courage to make things better for yourself. Could you start with small steps and seek out a discussion group to work through how you feel and to get support? I have no advice except to say that things can change for the better. Based on personal experience this is not something to tackle alone. Reach out when you feel able to and I wish you much comfort and relief soon.
Someone in Vancouver cares.

9 3Rating: +6

I feel you

Sep 14, 2017 at 8:56am

I'm going through a similar thing. I've lost much of my hope and excitement for life. But what has helped me a lot is reading. You can stay in bed, shut out the world, and get lost in a reality that's not your own. Taking yourself out of your self for a little bit each day helps. Daily life can be so hard; but if you can find a part of your inner world to hold on to, it's a bit easier. And oddly, hanging out with people can make me feel more unhappy and lonely, but picking up a book always makes me feel connected to something bigger than myself. Its humbling and comforting.

15 3Rating: +12

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