Please leave the room to fart.

I just had to dump a guy who didn't think he needed to, in spite of my repeated requests that he do so. Apparently he felt that sharing his intestinal gas with me was some kind of bonding or intimacy thing, and even told me that I was a prude with intimacy issues!! Like I was the one being inappropriate... And it wasn't just his inconsiderateness, it was the putridness of his gas. I just couldn't stand the stench anymore. I had asked him to change his diet, to avoid gaseous foods, and to start paying more attention to his gut health. I also asked him to get himself checked out medically to see if there was something wrong with his ass. The odour he was filling my bedroom with at night was unbearable. It just wasn't normal. Instead, his response was to go out and guzzle beer (a prime cause of flatulence in his case), and gorge himself on hotdogs loaded up with sauerkraut. I've decided that I'd be much better off with a civilized man who is considerate enough to leave the room to let one rip, and my ex can find some cabbage-eating slag who will sit on the couch with him and blast them out right along with him. Good riddance.

23 Comments

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Anonymous

Nov 12, 2017 at 9:32pm

My farts seem to be like that no matter what I eat. Gut problems suck. I do agree that not overloading the room with your gas problems is probably a polite thing to do.

13 4Rating: +9

Good riddance?

Nov 12, 2017 at 10:37pm

Wow, you sound like you never loved him.

Interesting

Nov 12, 2017 at 11:24pm

Was your ex one of those rednecks? Most of them strut around like their farts don't stink which is why they have zero self respect. Hicks often fart in public and have a sense of humour about it, but there's a time and place for fart jokes. It's called kindergarten.

16 8Rating: +8

I cured my boyfriend

Nov 13, 2017 at 12:17am

Of his chronic habit of rectal rudeness by grabbing a can of air freshener and totally enveloping him in a big cloud of it. One time I "accidentally" sprayed him right in the eyes with it.

He soon got the idea to go into the bathroom whenever he needed to push some foul air out of his butt, and to turn the fan on afterwards. It was either that, or run the risk of getting maced with Tropical Bouquet again. We get along just fine now.

24 8Rating: +16

Hey princess...

Nov 13, 2017 at 12:19am

"Better out than in I always say." - Shrek

Channing Tatum

Nov 13, 2017 at 1:07am

He must've seen that horrible movie with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. It's the one where they play a couple, but she gets into an accident and loses her memory. There's a scene early in the movie where they're in the car and he lets an SBD rip. He warns her, but she's actually into it. She closes the car windows and inhales it all in! He goes, "that's gross, but also kind of hot."
He must've seen that dumb movie and internalized the idea that women are OK with a boyfriend's flatulence?

11 7Rating: +4

So...

Nov 13, 2017 at 10:02am

... you think your farts smell like roses?

he's right. Your aversion to his gas is a learned behavior.

9 13Rating: -4

Anonymous

Nov 13, 2017 at 5:44pm

Yeah, I'm not leaving the room to fart.

Anonymous

Nov 13, 2017 at 6:15pm

My ex girlfriend seemed to think that farting on my legs while we were on the couch was okay. Fucking gross.

24 5Rating: +19

bfwer

Nov 14, 2017 at 9:56am

and I guess that your shit don't stink either right?

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