I foolishly cheated on my boyfriend a couple years ago with a man I thought i'd been in love with for most of my life. It meant nothing to him and I was just a fuck at the end of the day. I left my boyfriend a couple months later only to be rejected yet again. Your husband has stood by you for 20+ years. HE is the one who deserves love. You don't deserve his. Perhaps you should grow the fuck up and leave him. I PROMISE, your life will suck with the loser you think you're in love with. I PROMISE YOU!!!

If it didn't work 20 years ago, it's not going to work now. You've strung your husband on long enough. I think it's time to grow up and be an adult and separate from your husband instead of being a lying cheat to him. This other man you haven't seen for 20 years will be nothing like you remember. And you don't Know him. You are wasting everyone's time in your own delusion.

If you carefully broach the topic of an open marriage and your parter is cautiously on board, then you know he's a keeper.

Maybe you should strike it out on your own for the first time in your life, and get to know "who you are", without the influence of "who we are". Chances are, you're not going to be happy anywhere, or happy with anyone, if you don't find your own identity independently from everything else .

The guy didn't want to continue with you 20 years ago so why do you think he'd be interested in making a life with you now?
Your husband deserves so much better than a cheating spouse who is in love with someone else. How does a man commit to you for 20 years (possibly more) and get this level of disrespect?
At least end your marriage, regardless of whether this affair works out or not.

Once a cheat always a cheat! Pity your husband.