I posted here back in October about the abusive relationship I had been in and the things going on at that time (where my ex had posted intimate images of me)
Right now, things look like they will be getting better, but on the inside of myself I still feel completely defeated. I have this insane craving for revenge on my ex for what he did to me, but I know that whatever satisfaction that would give me temporarily would only prolong this suffering for myself in the long run.
It's not only the things he did to me that hurt, but that fact that I fell in love with him and its like he just broke my heart and dumped me a long with all this.
Some days I feel okay, some days I feel numb and other days I wish I could just disappear forever. I know it will not be over until I stop obsessing about it..until I feel safe again. And right now I don't. It has disrupted everything in my life. I have no income anymore because I have had so much anxiety about going into the public. I've missed probably 5 job interviews because of my anxiety and depression because of this. It's hard to even go out to get groceries without feeling overwhelmed. I have this painful feeling and fear that one day I will end up on one of those sites where my information is given out to whoever sees it and if that ever happened I feel like I would end my life. I was only finally able to tell my family recently, but they don't quite get how much this has affected me. I just wish someone could tell me how this is going to pan out. It feels like too much weight on me, no matter who is there to support me. I just needed to post again because I still feel trapped in all of this, and uncertain of myself because I am going insane and I have never felt so out of control of my mind and body. I really appreciate the comments last time and knowing that there are people who think this is just as fucked up as I do, and were willing to give me information on what I could do. It really helped me so much. If any of those people who read my last post see this, I want them to know I am working on it and how grateful I am that there are still kind people in the world.
The Georgia Straight: A 50th Anniversary Celebration Book
This beautifully produced coffee-table book brings together over 100 of Georgia Straight's iconic covers, along with short essays, insider details and contributor reflections, putting each of these issues of the publication into its historical context.