Problem and solution

I haven't had a drink in eight days. I know it doesn't seem like much to some but.. it's a bit of a big deal for me. I'd been drunk the entire year and going through a lot. After waking up on boxing day in a pool of my own puke and having pissed my pants I decided maybe it was time to make a change. It took me two and a half hours to brush out my hair. It was completely dreaded to my scalp (it's very long). I had stopped caring. You could no longer see the floor in my room. There were dishes and beer cans all over the place, garbage tossed around, clothes everywhere and the curtain was drawn.. It wasn't pretty. I picked myself up off the floor after brushing my hair, looked in the mirror and said to myself, " I can't go on like this anymore." I'd become a fat, depressed, disgusting, lazy slob. For the first time in almost two weeks (yeah..I know) I had a shower and when I was done felt like a new person. I was dreading it but began cleaning my trashed, tornado hell hole of a room. It took about 5 days in total because it was done in small sections depending on the amount of time my depression would let me do for the day. Last night I finished the entire thing. Waking up in it this morning felt like a new world . The happiness I felt this morning I simply can't explain. It was like the sun had risen for the first time in three hundred years. Today was a new start.. I'm clear minded and have lost four pounds just from eating healthy and not drinking. I didn't think this could happen. I prayed to the Universe for the desire to live again and it was given to me. Nine days ago I wanted to kill myself. I drank myself into oblivion and physical sickness. I think it was a blessing in disguise. I haven't smoked a cigarette since boxing day which is amazing seeing as how I've smoked for fifteen years straight. I feel reborn today and there's a fire burning inside of me that has never been there before. I'm beyond happy to be alive. For anyone who is choosing to lay down and die right now and succumb to your weaknesses.. please know that there is hope. If me ,of all people, can harbour a spark in the soul after all of these years spent in misery.. there's something waiting for you. Please hold on even for one more day. You have it in you. You have the power to change. I've realized that I am my own problem but that I'm also my solution. If you're tired of starting over then stop giving up. Unfortunately, life doesn't get easier. The way we cope and learn to handle things over time is what makes it bearable but we must keep going to enjoy the good things that life also brings. Up and down.. that's life. Dont dwell on the past. Focus on the good things, have gratitude and good things will come your way. Happy new year, everyone. Take care.

12 Comments

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happy new year

Jan 2, 2018 at 4:27pm

Wow, what a story.

I love that you looked at this and thought yep - enough. So many don't.

You still have the spark, it's enough. Keep it going day by day.

We are all rooting for you.

38 8Rating: +30

Anonymous

Jan 2, 2018 at 6:10pm

Lovely post. I'm so happy for you! Onward friend.

36 5Rating: +31

Congrats on your first 8 sober days

Jan 2, 2018 at 6:29pm

and guess what, it gets better and better with each day.
Your post sounds very similar to me about a year ago.
You're right, life doesn't get easier but when I'm sober I sure can deal with it in a stronger, more productive manner.
Keep strong!

16 6Rating: +10

yay

Jan 2, 2018 at 8:36pm

I am so proud of you and happy for you- and for humanity- that you choose to love rather than destroy yourself. Every life saved and re-purposed to serve a higher good &/or others helps many others to rise up. Be brave and bold. You did the right thing at the right time. Happy New Year to you!

14 7Rating: +7

Humbled

Jan 2, 2018 at 10:01pm

Now THAT'S a confession. What a powerful story. Thanks for sharing and helping brighten the world with your truth. It may not be pretty, but it's real.
(also, you're a really good writer. Your words sizzle with excitement.)

16 5Rating: +11

So proud of you!

Jan 2, 2018 at 10:10pm

I'm so happy to read this post! This is the Greatest Post of Confessions ever!

New Chapter

Jan 2, 2018 at 11:09pm

Similar situation, blacked out + fell down, didn't drink for 2.5 months, started again and started drinking to cope with stress. But now it's been since early November since I last had a drink, and prioritizing my long term well-being over my short-term desires has made a world of difference. I got the same feels cleaning up my room/environment - it feels like I've got a different energy inside of me. Keep going! Amazing things you've done. Glad to hear someone else is making progress on this as well.

13 7Rating: +6

Good for you!!

Jan 3, 2018 at 11:32am

I have so many friends that maybe aren’t at that point but I wish they’d see the light!

18 8Rating: +10

Good for you!

Jan 3, 2018 at 8:30pm

This is my new inspiration. Keep it up!

14 2Rating: +12

WOW!

Jan 4, 2018 at 12:11am

Good for you! That was an inspiring post! Read it and all of these comments every time you feel tempted to return back to your old habits. We are rooting for you and wish you strength in your journey this year.

7 1Rating: +6

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