Sorry you are in emotional pain. It is very difficult. You are not an idiot. You must not blame yourself. It is important to find a way to let go and move forward. Write out a list of what you would like in a potential partner. Imagine yourself with that partner. Write down all the wonderful things about yourself and why you are a great partner.
You deserve someone who values you. Go find them. Never wrong to love. What no one tells you in this world, there is no guarantee, you never know how long you have the ones you love in your life. Enjoy and value each day.

Move forward. Do not beat yourself up. You are beautiful. Find someone who values you.

More of us than you think. It's a common story that happened in the past and will continue to happen in the future. Straight up - it sucks.

Working out and what if they saw you now? As if abs of steel will make up for being a shitty human being. "It created quite the mess." No, you intentionally created a mess for them because that's who you are.

hard to tell when so many people are afraid to specify genders.
There was a guy I was in-love with who I found out too late had liked me too. He was a skinny guy and probably assumed I was like so many women -attracted to muscle guys- but I actually have always been attracted to the brainiac beanpoles and this guy was lusciously lean and highly intelligent. He's got some weight on him now, but hell, if he's still got the same personality, I'd still think he was beautiful.

Good luck dude/tte, and please be aware that not everybody has been programmed into being attracted to what society says they're suppose to like. Maybe your m/c isn't into buff.

A lot of people learn about this stuff when they're in middle school.

Those who don't sometimes end up crying as adults about situations like this.

Reality: It's hopeless. Move on.

They said it created a lot of mess -for them!- not the other person, you fukn idiot.

boils to what part you're pretending

Believe it or not, there are just people that will play your emotions just for the sole purpose of hurting you. It makes them feel powerful, and they're addicted to feeling that way. I'm sorry, there are evil people like that. Although it personal for you, it was never personal for them. You just their chosen target from the get go, and they were to focused on carrying out their plan for you to actually reflect on you as a human being. If it's any consolation, I'm sure they're going to hell.

just ....
shut up

when you write, it shows your ignorance.

Not everyone woman wants a rock hard man. I love a beanpole brainiac as well. Nothing sexier than a intelligent, witty lean man. That is the problem these days, everyone is too worried about being the fittest they can be. It is better to be strong on the inside