is a lot of wishes lol.

The fact you worked up the courage to go on a date despite all you said is admirable.

Hey friend, I'm sorry that our society is such that you feel like not being neurotypical is something that you have to apologize for. I know for me it has helped a lot to tell people, even down to the point of telling them some of the quirks they can expect from me. Maybe worth trying?
Meanwhile, I bet like most non-neurotypical types, you have some amazing abilities and capacities that neurotypicals don't, that are valuable and worth celebrating. Can you identify yours? They're an important part of self-awareness and compassion for folks like us, I think.
Sending a whole lot of support and well-wishes your way.

... this "autism" stuff was developed in either USSR or Nazi Germany---the high functioning type. You're not a child who flails and is nonverbal, if you went to University, were a lecturer, you obviously have superior verbal skills.

All of this notion that people who aren't over-socialized are "autistic" is silly. The other way to view it is that most people are over-socialized, and discriminate against people who are not similarly over-socialized. You don't need to apologize for simply having a superior neurological disposition that is resistant to fashion magazines.

My heart goes out to you. For what it's worth, I'd like to offer you a some encouragement; I have several people in my life who are incredibly gifted, funny, loving, and who also have trouble connecting with new people because of Autism Spectrum disorders. I love them dearly and can't imagine my life without them. Please don't give up. You already know that you are worth so much, I don't need to tell you that because you have probably taken an accurate assessment of your qualities!! :) And you're correct, of course. Practically, I would suggest researching books that offer relationship tips for people on the spectrum. I'm not minimizing your pain but it might help you to know that a lot of neuro-typical people have trouble on dates too! We screw up too, believe me! If you want to see this person again, get in contact with her, tell her you'd like to have a do-over and explain some of the things you find challenging, share with her some of your interests, ask her questions about her interests, and let her see how awesome you are. Above all, don't allow people to call you these names. Tell them they are wrong, that you have trouble with interactions with other people, and please keep trying. Don't give up until you find someone who understands you. You sound very accomplished. Keep reminding yourself of everything you have to offer. I wish you luck!

why can't you tell her?

Your friend's wife is rude

Sorry that these people are not behaving appropriately. Hang up next time, tell them you will speak to them when they can be appropriate.
This is about them, not yet. Find someone you trust and discuss the situation.

It sounds like you've been treated rather shittily. I don't see how she was right to be mad at you.

I was reading and immediately thought this person must have Asberger’s or something because being gullible and not being able to read social cues is very common among autistic people. I’m sorry you had to endure such a horrible situation. I think if I were you I would simply just tell your friend that you have autism and he can tell his wife and their friend if they choose. I don’t think you’ll likely see that woman again. Probably for the best. Take care.