We had a great life together once. We broke up. I wasn't happy. I cheated at the end but it was more of a means to get out and I needed the mental push to do it. Yes it's shitty but I can't take it back so no regrets there. You did nasty things too. My problem is that we've discussed working things out several times but I'm still with the person I cheated with. Obviously that doesn't bode well for us going forward, if it's even possible. I haven't had the time to myself to reflect properly or to even decide what I want. My biggest problem now is that you've cut off communication and now I can't stop thinking about you. I told you if you had done that in the first place and left me alone to see how my life was without you, we would've gotten back together a long time ago. I'm not happy with my current situation and everything just feels wrong. I feel like I'm stuck because I don't know if you even want anything to do with me anymore. I miss you terribly. Love is brutal. Sometimes I envy those who can't find it. If you read this, which I doubt you will, know that I will marry you one day soon if you'll have me. We can elope in Portland. You know who you are. I love you.