I've only dealt with adversity, chronic mental and physical illnesses and one bad thing after the other. I'm just so freaking tired of it. I would give anything to be healthy and happy. My health has stolen everything from me..... It isn't fair. It's invisible, so people understand even less, and only certain people know about my depression and ptsd due to the stigma, and how badly I've been treated by family and even health professionals that my own psychiatrist said to refrain from disclosing because I am not believed when I've talked about my physical issues. Landed in hospital 3 bloody times, nearly died once. Fuck you doctors, hospitals, and every close-minded asshole that has screwed me and made my health worse. Fuck you to the so called people that say they are there for you. No one cares! I was in hospital after a test just recently, had a rare complication and in severe pain. Not believed, went to ER next day, internal bleeding. Seriously?!?!? Why won't you assholes believe me, and the complication was due to the doctor s error. I hate hospitals and doctors because of how I've been treated and you bloody doctors are doing a pretty good job of fucking me over even more and adding on top of my crappy health problems.
I've tried everything and advocating for myself, I'm done. Not a single friend saw me. I've stupidly bent over backwards for people when they needed me in spite of anything I'm going through because I care For years. I'm so angry and hurt and not sure how to even talk to them. A couple apologized, and one has been texting though moreso out of guilt.... I just want to pull away from them all.
I need to learn to be a bitch, and not sure how to. They all have things I can only dream of. Healthy, happy, and healthy enough to work ft to be independent, great partners, and lives. The harder I fight, the more my body and mind fight back, and I have something go wrong. Since I was a child..... What is the point of living if you only experience misery, sickness, and pain? I fight through pain to work pt, seeing countless specialists, a counselor for years. Nothing is helping. Something always goes wrong. I honestly feel cursed. I'm not getting any younger and the loneliness is painful. The hardest part is not being held, it's such a small thing but hurts.
I will NEVER do anything casual, and sick of the creeps that pester me for that. NEVER going to happen!!! Rather be alone, and have gone without for years. Just accepted I'll have to be alone, despite it being very difficult. Have way too much I'm dealing with, and my stupid health takes precedence..... As always
I needed to vent and just scream it out into the universe. No one is truly here for you. It's easier to be with people in good times than be there for someone that is constantly suffering. Ive been so stupid to think I've ever mattered to anyone. Some people will only suffer, and know of suffering and it's a shame that me and others like me get so beaten down by life, that they no longer have hope.
The Georgia Straight: A 50th Anniversary Celebration Book
This beautifully produced coffee-table book brings together over 100 of Georgia Straight's iconic covers, along with short essays, insider details and contributor reflections, putting each of these issues of the publication into its historical context.