No one cares

I've only dealt with adversity, chronic mental and physical illnesses and one bad thing after the other. I'm just so freaking tired of it. I would give anything to be healthy and happy. My health has stolen everything from me..... It isn't fair. It's invisible, so people understand even less, and only certain people know about my depression and ptsd due to the stigma, and how badly I've been treated by family and even health professionals that my own psychiatrist said to refrain from disclosing because I am not believed when I've talked about my physical issues. Landed in hospital 3 bloody times, nearly died once. Fuck you doctors, hospitals, and every close-minded asshole that has screwed me and made my health worse. Fuck you to the so called people that say they are there for you. No one cares! I was in hospital after a test just recently, had a rare complication and in severe pain. Not believed, went to ER next day, internal bleeding. Seriously?!?!? Why won't you assholes believe me, and the complication was due to the doctor s error. I hate hospitals and doctors because of how I've been treated and you bloody doctors are doing a pretty good job of fucking me over even more and adding on top of my crappy health problems. I've tried everything and advocating for myself, I'm done. Not a single friend saw me. I've stupidly bent over backwards for people when they needed me in spite of anything I'm going through because I care For years. I'm so angry and hurt and not sure how to even talk to them. A couple apologized, and one has been texting though moreso out of guilt.... I just want to pull away from them all. I need to learn to be a bitch, and not sure how to. They all have things I can only dream of. Healthy, happy, and healthy enough to work ft to be independent, great partners, and lives. The harder I fight, the more my body and mind fight back, and I have something go wrong. Since I was a child..... What is the point of living if you only experience misery, sickness, and pain? I fight through pain to work pt, seeing countless specialists, a counselor for years. Nothing is helping. Something always goes wrong. I honestly feel cursed. I'm not getting any younger and the loneliness is painful. The hardest part is not being held, it's such a small thing but hurts. I will NEVER do anything casual, and sick of the creeps that pester me for that. NEVER going to happen!!! Rather be alone, and have gone without for years. Just accepted I'll have to be alone, despite it being very difficult. Have way too much I'm dealing with, and my stupid health takes precedence..... As always I needed to vent and just scream it out into the universe. No one is truly here for you. It's easier to be with people in good times than be there for someone that is constantly suffering. Ive been so stupid to think I've ever mattered to anyone. Some people will only suffer, and know of suffering and it's a shame that me and others like me get so beaten down by life, that they no longer have hope.

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Anonymous

May 21, 2018 at 10:29am

Been there, done that.

Now I no longer let Doctors operate on me. No tests, nothing.

4 3Rating: +1

Started to read...

May 21, 2018 at 11:56am

But then realized this post was too long. Hard pass.

8 5Rating: +3

School of hard knocks

May 21, 2018 at 12:03pm

It certainly does seem that you’ve had more than your fair share of problems to cope with. I completely understand how a person can find themselves feeling that way after all you’ve been through. It’s not easy and believe me I know. However.....here’s where the school part comes in...we do have choices in life when it comes to how well we cope with these types of situations. We can use past experiences to learn from. We can read and educate ourselves about coping strategies, we can seek out support groups with other people who are also dealing with significant challenges both physical and mental. We can be our own best friend by treating ourselves as important, and doing our best to make the healthiest choices for our bodies. As you get older, you may also find that coping with depression gets easier if you can remember that you’ve been down before, and managed to come through it, and you can do it again. I really hope that you don’t give up. I know that you’re in so much despair right now that giving up seems like the logical choice, but please just keep going. “When you’re going through hell, keep going!”. You never know what amazing experiences may be in store for you right around the corner.

11 1Rating: +10

If

May 21, 2018 at 1:18pm

People in your life have been toxic or MIA, maybe it's time for a new sample/group of people. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, OP. I can relate. I was groomed and sexually abused by an uncle for ten years, experienced a wide range of bullying, and otherwise have run into so many assholes that at my core, there is a black rage that I have to let out in small doses lest I hurt anyone, including myself. It sucks, because what many of these "well meaning people" don't see is all the suffering under the table, or how even little things become difficult. They will never understand what it means to be haunted. And that gets me.

I'm sorry things have sucked up to now. I sincerely hope you can find some good people to talk to and get to know, find an outlet for your anger, and find healing. All the best, OP.

9 1Rating: +8

Socialist Medicine is a scam...

May 21, 2018 at 3:25pm

It's nothing more than a way to destroy the populations' health, by allowing idiots who are good at taking tests to become doctors.

The kicker? Once admitted to med school, everyone passes. Nobody fails unless they, like stop showing up.

It's all a big scam. Sick people are Cash Cows for the College of Physicians and Surgeons.

3 8Rating: -5

Judge Jury Witness

May 22, 2018 at 6:47am

You need to see the bigger picture. In all those vignettes there are good people. You can change your experience with some meditation or other discipline. Mindfulness and other groups. Many people are in Chronic pain and living their lives. If you feel alone try giving to others. If you want to isolate use your time to be in the moment instead of reliving a selective biased story. We are all suffering.

4 3Rating: +1

the good news

May 22, 2018 at 12:48pm

You are well on your way to being a bitch, as long as you remember to blame everyone else for being horrible to you, take no pleasure in living, reject sex, and lead with your anger!

2 6Rating: -4

@the good news

May 23, 2018 at 10:20am

Go away. Your constant misogynistic comments that you write about virtually every single post are becoming exceptionally tedious. Grow up, and stop using your hatred of women as justification for not accomplishing anything in your life!

6 1Rating: +5

@@the good news

May 25, 2018 at 1:41pm

Sorry, I'm not going, and you have me confused with someone else. I don't write comments constantly or against women as a gender.

So your mindreading lessons are not working - I'd ask for a refund.

1 1Rating: 0

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