Cheating on the mistress...?

posted July 14th, 2018 at 12:10 PM

My wife (“W”) and I have been in an open relationship for many years. I sleep with whoever I want and she does the same. We haven’t had sex with each other in years. In those many years, I’ve slept with countless women, all of whom knew exactly the situation. It’s never been about long-term or even “real” relationships. It’s just fun. After playing around for many years, I finally settled down with what I guess we’ll call a mistress (“M”) with whom I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over a year. It wasn’t always that way, and there was some confusion as to what I’ve been… up to. She made it clear, notwithstanding the oddness of the situation to begin with, that if we were going to continue to see each other, it had to be exclusive. No hard feeling either way, but if I want to continue to sleep around, she won’t be part of it. I decided she was worth it — that I’ve gotten it all out of my system — so, ok. Agreed. And that’s how it’s been ever since. Recently, W has become interested in having sex again, after many years of not doing that with her. I find myself in an odd situation. Truth is, I’d rather continue seeing M and leave things as is. I feel like I’d be cheating on M if I slept with W. Is it technically cheating if it's with your W that you're sleeping with? I suppose I could cheat on my M and sleep with my W, but I’d feel guilty about it so probably won’t do that. This is upsetting the W, but what can you do, right?

10 Comments

Fetching popcorn...

Jul 14, 2018 at 8:12pm

... to sit back and watch you get roasted in these comments. But you don't deserve it. You found something that works for you and your wife, and whatever two adults do that doesn't hurt anyone else shouldn't be anyone else's business.

It has created one hell of an interesting dilemma though. Completely backwards from the usual.

Kenny Baumgarten, Jr.

Jul 14, 2018 at 8:22pm

If I understand correctly, the solution to your problem should look something like this:
M=[You]≥(3)xW-[NotYou].

L

Jul 14, 2018 at 10:36pm

Oh my God, Shut up!

Seriously

Jul 14, 2018 at 11:00pm

That’s totally fucked up on so many levels....

Anonymous

Jul 15, 2018 at 5:37am

Why the fuck are you even married? This is why open relationships don't work.

now here is someone

Jul 15, 2018 at 7:53am

whose story just doesn't understand the way life works.(whether it's real or not doesn't matter)
There's no such thing as an open relationship, someone's gonna get pissed off sooner or later and want possession.
Anyone who says they're in such a chimeric arrangement has something not quite right in their makeup. It's not a household or a family, or a relationship....... it's a motel.

Talk

Jul 15, 2018 at 10:25am

Do you want to sleep with your wife again? If yes, then... Talk your your partner. Stop calling her your mistress, unless she gets off on that. Tell her what is going on. Does your wife know that you are in a monogamous relationship with this woman? From your note it doesn’t sound like it. Talk to your partner first and then tell your wife what is going on.

These poor women

Jul 15, 2018 at 6:31pm

I hope they get some self esteem and kick your selfish butt to the curb.
If I was their friends I'd be telling them to dump you.

Just ask

Jul 15, 2018 at 6:33pm

If you want to know the answer ask her and then decide what you’d like to do.being open is all about consent.

Empathetic

Jul 17, 2018 at 8:52pm

So the posters have no right to blame you for this at all. Sounds like wife has perhaps lost out on her M and is now crawling back to you. Does she honestly think that after several years of not having sex that you would still see her in that light? She is delusional. You're sex life with your wife was over as soon as you both started sleeping with other people. My honest opinion is that you should tell her that part of your relationship is long gone. Good luck. And think about it...... M WANTED an exclusive relationship with you.... Clearly wifey could care less.