Another woman and I became friends through volunteering. We liked each other, had some fun conversations, and eventually made plans to meet for coffee. Over the space of a few months, we became friends. We got together more frequently, would go out and do fun things together (sometimes alone, sometimes with others), told each other our secrets and built trust, as friends do. I was happy to introduce her to my other friends and counted myself lucky to have made a new friend in a city where it's surprisingly hard to foster new friendships. Then one evening, out of the blue, while sitting on a bench by the beach, enjoying the view and the cool ocean breeze, she tried to kiss and grope me. I pulled away from her and asked her, “What the hell?” And she said, "Oh. I'm a lesbian. I thought you knew." In all of our conversations over the six-or-so months we had known each other, she had never, ever breathed a word of her sexuality to me or given me any indication that she was into girls. I realize that my gaydar is essentially nonexistent but there had been no signs – no lingering looks, no flirtatious touching, no excessive “let me do that for you because you’re so special to me” moments. She knew that I am asexual because she had asked me about my romantic past (women talk about that stuff extensively) and I had confided in her about how difficult it was to make folks understand how asexuality works: No, I don't have sex. No, I don't miss it. Yes, I am happy this way. No, it's not that weird. Yes, asexuality is a thing. Yadda-yadda. Whenever I had asked her about her romantic past, she would side-step the question. I didn’t want to assume that her romantic past was trauma-free (so many women have experienced sexual violence) so I left it alone, figuring that she would talk to me about it whenever she felt comfortable enough to do so. Can you imagine my surprise and shock when she tried to jump me? (If you're laughing now, consider how this narrative would change if she had been a guy. Would it be funny then?) At first I felt angry and betrayed (I’d just been assaulted, after all) but then I wondered if she had only recently come to the realization that she was gay and just didn’t know how to express it? I was still trying to give her the benefit of the doubt – all the trust and camaraderie that we had built was swirling through my head. “No,” she replied. “I’ve had a couple of girlfriends.” “Why did you try it with me, then?” “I thought you’d like it.” Jeezus.