What's the right way?

Apparently I'm supposed to be dating multiple people at once but I feel I'm not that kind of person. I understand the logic but I don't think it fits my personality and values I guess. It's smarter to date multiple people at once but when you say "date" do you mean continue after 2-3 weeks or during the first 2-3 dates with a few people? How do you all feel when you find out the woman or man you've been seeing is also seeing other people and it's your 4-5th date with this person? I personally wouldn't love it if I know I'm fooling around or being intimate with this person too. I know I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, but I'm an honest person. Do I tell them or they should assume I'm seeing other people? I guess my lesson is that I should assume anyone I date is also seeing multiple people.

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Dating multiple people

Jul 14, 2018 at 4:22pm

I think it's better to be straight up and ask them.

18 7Rating: +11

Natty

Jul 14, 2018 at 4:31pm

I think the suggested courtesy is after you become intimate with one person, you give up the others. But I'm a skeptic as to that advice being the actual common practice.

It's prefectly....

Jul 14, 2018 at 4:55pm

fine for women to do it....

You and me both

Jul 14, 2018 at 5:20pm

I've never dated multiple people at once, and I would never date someone that does. They can keep their promiscuity and STD's to themselves.

There's no right way

Jul 14, 2018 at 5:30pm

You set the rules for yourself and what you find acceptable. My assumption is always that most people are dating and being intimate with multiple people at the same time --- unless you both agree to be exclusive. That usually only happens after you've "officially" become a couple. However, there are people who are more conservative or prefer to date one person at a time. I guess I'm one of them although I'm not really actively dating.

As far as I'm concerned, if the person I'm seeing is also seeing and/or being intimate with others, it means this person is not ready for a serious relationship and I won't put much hope into it. When it's established that we both like each other and want a relationship: for me, that's when the exclusivity starts --- even if we aren't a couple yet and may not have been intimate yet.

I can't take anyone seriously if they're still looking or fooling around with others. If they know what they want and they want me, then they should be ready to be exclusive. Personally, when I'm in love with someone, I'm not interested in dating or having sex with anyone else. Even if we haven't talked about being exclusive, I would be hurt if this person dates or has sex with someone else. It's not technically cheating but it would be difficult for me to trust or take this person seriously, and I would start dating others as well.

If you really like someone, you wouldn't want to hurt them or jeopardize the possibility of a relationship with them by dating/having sex with someone else. It's just common sense. So, if something doesn't feel right, you should listen to your intuition even though there's no rule or exclusivity talk.

YVRFantastic

Jul 14, 2018 at 8:09pm

You are very thoughtful. The real issue for me is when people take me out on a date, but then I learn that they are still being intimate with their pets. It hurts, particularly because of my allergies.

9 18Rating: -9

listen lady

Jul 14, 2018 at 8:42pm

do whatever you're comfortable with. forget about peer influence. we all want to belong. but don't risk getting stds. even with condom use.

North American Problem

Jul 14, 2018 at 9:41pm

It seems like everybody has a problem with this kind of dating here, which is somehow funny because this happens to be the only place (North America) in the world where this kind of dating has always been the normal practice. Everywhere else it is frowned upon - I know because zu lived on three continents and in eight different countries. But with online dating taking over it soon will be the norm everywhere.

Who says

Jul 14, 2018 at 11:02pm

you're supposed to be doing dating a certain way? It depends on the person. I only date/sleep with one person at a time. If it doesn't lead to a relationship, I move on.

24 9Rating: +15

just a man

Jul 15, 2018 at 12:03am

"I should assume anyone I date is also seeing multiple people." - of course you should assume this, especially if you're dating successful, atractive people.
For the rest though you should assume they're not dating anyone.

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