Anyone else feel this way?

I struggle a great deal with feeling alone, and loneliness, and miss feeling truly connected and understood especially romantically. Dont want kids, okay with not being married too, but a LTR would be nice. I think being single for so many years, the influx of weddings especially lately, and not being able to meet a compatible partner coupled with friends too busy with their lives and partners to hang out with on a regular basis all contribute. I often dread weekends.... I'm limited financially as well due to complex, health issues. My friends say too put myself out there, but I've met some pretty awful guys.... Honestly, guys aren't as understanding and kind about being with someone with health issues. They need to be realistic. Not everyone is lucky in love.... I haven't even really been on a date for some time as I'm scared of being hurt badly again too and not being accepted. Yes, I do go to counseling for my depression, PTSD, and discussing my struggles as I wanted to note that in case someone made that suggestion. I've had even professional s say damn how have you dealt with so much adversity with many difficult things in my life including complex health issues, and it's honestly just worn me down. Doctors suck, and can't seem to help improve my quality of life. When life has only been suffering, and continues to be, what kind of life is that to live? I think I just wish I could stop feeling so goddamn alone, lonely and just accept I won't meet someone and at least find a way to be busy and do things I enjoy with genuine, kind people at least. It's hard though to meet and connect with others though especially being hurt and betrayed by people. I have depression as well (that definitely makes it even harder especially as it's treatment resistant and nothing I've tried and continue to try has helped and I've exhausted my options but continue to try and go to counseling etc.) Thats a whole other issue though. It's this existential loneliness too if that makes sense. I honestly don't know how to deal with it. It's a very profound pain. I've tried meetups etc. but not been helpful. Any other lost souls out there too? What do you do?

11 Comments

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Maybe..

Aug 19, 2018 at 10:23am

I'll hang out with you..

6 3Rating: +3

Volunteer

Aug 19, 2018 at 12:37pm

At something,for starters. Just google it.something will show up

9 5Rating: +4

Read small biographies

Aug 19, 2018 at 1:21pm

Of people who lived and died, and had their struggles long ago.

4 3Rating: +1

Lost soul here.

Aug 19, 2018 at 4:35pm

Much of what you wrote had me nodding my head in agreement. Do you really want us to share with you what works for us? Or was that rhetorical?

I'll share a bit. I don't know what will work for you, but this is what I've sorted out through the decades of living with complex chronic physical and mental illnesses. One thing is not more important than the other and they are not necessarily all at play at the same time and I rely on them to varying degrees depending on my situation.

I eat the best quality food I can afford. I decide what food is best for me and don't have much time for all these various different diets. I pay attention to how I feel after I eat and this has been helpful. Keeping a food diary for a few weeks is also insightful.

I visit with a talk therapist as well as a somatic therapist because in my experience much of my trauma cannot be accessed by words but bottom-up somatic therapy (physical movement with awareness) has helped me greatly in integrating and finding peace.

I have animal companions who keep me to a consistent daily schedule and provide me with profound support and affection and comedic relief. My dog gets me out of the house a few times a day. I realize I'm very fortunate to be able to have a cat and a dog in a Vancouver rental property. Plants help me as well - something living that I need to tend to and care for is key.

I started using Facebook and Instagram just this year for business marketing. I only use my FB business page, my personal one has lots of security filters and nothing posted on it. I'm enjoying IG and unfollow and block any feed that I don't find enriching. As with FB my IG is about my business and not about me (they're not personal). I'm starting to realize how damaging social media can be for some people. Before using it I didn't understand. My compassion for others who have a lot of anxiety around it has shot through the roof.

I have a daily practice of mindfulness that is non-negotiable. It's a series of smaller practices that I sometimes do all at once (60 minutes total). Or sometimes I practice 5 minutes on one thing, 20 minutes on something else; it all adds up. And as cheesy as it sounds I write down 3 things I'm thankful for each day. Yeah, a gratitude journal. It works for me.

I wish you well on your journey with wellness. Thanks for sharing so honestly about your experiences.

11 2Rating: +9

@volunteer

Aug 19, 2018 at 6:32pm

I’m sure that you mean well, but honestly telling a depressed person who is struggling to just “volunteer” to feel better, is about the same as telling a bereaved person that “everything happens for a reason”. In other words, not even remotely helpful. Unless you’ve actually experienced a genuine clinical depression you just cannot understand how hard it is to function, and especially how hard it is to go to a strange place and try to volunteer. Not only that, have you actually tried to do it yourself? Nowadays it’s like applying for a job, with all kinds of requirements and skills and experience and record checking, etc. Not something that most people in the middle of a severe depression can deal with.

12 6Rating: +6

@@Volunteer

Aug 19, 2018 at 8:49pm

You obviously have no suggestions,so you pick on me. Nice...

5 6Rating: -1

I feel ya

Aug 20, 2018 at 12:03am

You're not alone I too am going through what you're going through and it's not easy.
Depression is real and it's frustrating that some people don't get it. There are people out there that can't fathom why someone who seems so normal and has so much going for them is depressed. Your pain and suffering is real. Some days are good and some days not so much. It sucks and I get it, it takes so much effort and energy sometimes to just exist and function. I don't know what else to say cause I too am also in a similar situation and I find myself getting very angry bitter negative and in hermit mode.
Anyway I'm sending you light and peace may you be blessed and I hope tomorrow will be a good day for you :)

7 2Rating: +5

@@ volunteer

Aug 20, 2018 at 4:31pm

Volunteer is a better suggestion than "maybe I'll hang out with you" whoever wrote that gem. They said "for starters" and that might have helped them, who are you to say otherwise.

2 4Rating: -2

@@@volunteer

Aug 20, 2018 at 7:23pm

I’m sorry you took it that way. I don’t choose to make suggestions for someone else’s life because I’m not a professional, which in this type of case in particular I think is needed. Not only that, unless I actually know someone personally and know their capabilities as well as their specific circumstances, I just don’t. The Op is obviously knowledgeable enough about their own experience. My comment was only to remind people that, although those types of very typical suggestions and comments are meant to be helpful, in fact they are not. Please take it in the spirit in which it was intended, and not as some kind of personal attack.

1 2Rating: -1

I can relate

Aug 20, 2018 at 9:42pm

I'm in a very dark place too and I don't feel like being here anymore. I feel your sadness and pain :'(

3 2Rating: +1

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