Can he hear me?

Sometimes I think I am crazy, other times I think I am dreaming. The man I love is gone away for at least a year and a bit, I won't go to see him...I'm not allowed. Our relationship is...special, he's the one I think about when I first wake up, the one I think about when I go to sleep - it sounds like obsession but it's not. This is the only place that I can write this where he "might" not see it. There are two other women in his life, three children, only two of which are his, he's a good man, he made some mistakes but at his core he's a really good man. By rights I should walk away, live my life and never think about him again, but the love I feel has wrapped itself around my throat and refuses to let go. I've tried. I'll be with him forever, I'll love him forever, but that doesnt mean I have to, or that I am willing to put my life on hold. I know the time will come when we get our chance, but it's the mean time that hurts, it's the waiting, not knowing and fear of the unsure-ness of it all. I am overly insecure, because I know he loves me, I know that we're on this really messy path, but it still hurts and I miss him. It's like...missing a leg, or an eye, it's noticable, they said that love isn't supposed to hurt but that's clearly a lie. Love hurts so bad that death would be a sweet escape...but that's not an option because I promised. This hurts. Any suggestions? Please try and make them funny...I could use some laughs.

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VanHeights

Aug 15, 2018 at 5:03pm

Run. As fast as you can. Want laughs? The joke is on you. He is a cheating loser.

13 4Rating: +9

Sorry, nothing funny about this

Aug 15, 2018 at 5:42pm

Shake him off and move on. Obviously we don’t know all the details here but it sounds like you are waiting around for a year while he figures out whether he wants you...or not. Clearly you don’t see that you have described something completely disfunctional. Is this the first time you have been in love? The drama you describe sounds like you’re trying to mimic what you think love should be from reading too many romance novels or rom-coms. It does not sound genuine. I hope you are able to get some perspective soon. Best of luck. A man that makes you wait a year is not worth your time and does not truly love you. You can twist yourself in knots trying to justify it, but it’s absolute garbage. Where is your self esteem and self respect?

21 3Rating: +18

Okay

Aug 15, 2018 at 5:43pm

One hundred one-night stands. Fill your life with anyone else and guaranteed, you'll have some new drama to fill your time and poof he's out of your focus...and some new guy will fill your mind instead. Bonus: if you make it to one hundred, guaranteed you'll meet a gem before you finish. Nothing to lose. All it seeks is your trying.

8 8Rating: 0

Hi OP

Aug 15, 2018 at 6:57pm

This has regret (yours) written all over it -

It's in the language you are using,
It's inherent in the long distance situation you've described,
It's because there are multiple players involved, including kids...

But mostly it's your language. You sound like an inexperienced twenty-something who has fallen in love (which is blind), and you don't have the emotional experience and maturity to recognize a sinking ship. You are simply swept up in your feelings of adoration and love.

I'm fifty-something, and in my youth, I went down with a few ships that I thought were very seaworthy at the time... your confession reaks of the same idyllic romanticism that has sunk so many of us.

If you read your post back to yourself, you'll recognize a few things that are red flags. You already know you should walk away...

"Sometimes I think I am crazy...",
"it sounds like obsession but it's not...",
"By rights I should walk away, live my life and never think about him again...",

That's your intuition talking. Listen to that, it's far wiser than the blind devotion you are going on about.

No, you're not crazy (but it feels that way because its wrong).
You may not be obsessed, but you are too emotionally invested.
Yes, walk away and live your life. Which doesn't negate the possibility of seeing him again under better circumstances in the future...

21 5Rating: +16

He’s with 3 women...

Aug 15, 2018 at 8:06pm

I doubt that all of them are aware of his involvement with the others and he’s a “good man”. Right. Out of curiosity...what’s your stance on the tooth fairy? Santa? How about the Easter Bunny?

14 5Rating: +9

BeenThere

Aug 16, 2018 at 8:43am

You already know it is over. Remember the good times for a week; then be honest with what is/was good. Moving on doesn't negate the "good times" but the good times are over and no one should "move away" for a 1+ and expect someone to wait for them. Even if you are single at the end of the year - doesn't mean you are available. DO NOT be his lily pad to jump back onto . Do you have a safe landing spot? No. Then he doesn't either. Move on...it is better that way

6 8Rating: -2

Thrag987D.W

Aug 17, 2018 at 5:41pm

What if this is a place he would see and just did Freddy ! I miss you too ! Why the lies all the time with us . I have a lot of truth to tell you if you'll listen one day .

7 6Rating: +1

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