Sometimes I think I am crazy, other times I think I am dreaming. The man I love is gone away for at least a year and a bit, I won't go to see him...I'm not allowed. Our relationship is...special, he's the one I think about when I first wake up, the one I think about when I go to sleep - it sounds like obsession but it's not. This is the only place that I can write this where he "might" not see it. There are two other women in his life, three children, only two of which are his, he's a good man, he made some mistakes but at his core he's a really good man. By rights I should walk away, live my life and never think about him again, but the love I feel has wrapped itself around my throat and refuses to let go. I've tried. I'll be with him forever, I'll love him forever, but that doesnt mean I have to, or that I am willing to put my life on hold. I know the time will come when we get our chance, but it's the mean time that hurts, it's the waiting, not knowing and fear of the unsure-ness of it all. I am overly insecure, because I know he loves me, I know that we're on this really messy path, but it still hurts and I miss him. It's like...missing a leg, or an eye, it's noticable, they said that love isn't supposed to hurt but that's clearly a lie. Love hurts so bad that death would be a sweet escape...but that's not an option because I promised. This hurts. Any suggestions? Please try and make them funny...I could use some laughs.