I love him

When we met we were both 18 and I was a struggling student so our lifestyles matched. Now I graduated and have been working for a few years and bought my own condo and hes still in the same spot. He lives for a week at his parents house, couch surfs at friends, and then stays with me for a few days and it goes on and on. He has the same job at the restaurant he had at 18 and I just think we're moving in opposite directions. I encourage him to get a trade or some certificate to make more money but he won't. I want a house someday and kids and I can't do it on my own. I don't understand how he has no money at the end of the month when all he pays for is food. I am embarrassed that I pay for everything because a relationship should be 50/50. I love him but I deserve someone better.


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That sounds like....

Sep 19, 2018 at 2:04pm

a familiar complaint men have had for eons....

Alright then...

Sep 19, 2018 at 2:06pm

I'm just curious about what the upvote/downvote ratio would be if the genders were reversed in this post.


Sep 19, 2018 at 2:53pm

Those types of confessions never make it on. I know,I've tried-quite a few times.

8 6Rating: +2


Sep 19, 2018 at 3:00pm

If you continue being with him, you yourself will not grow....you are enabling him, everyone is...take a break and see if he makes a change, if he doesn’t then find someone who will compliment you and your lifestyle.

13 9Rating: +4

Unlicensed catch

Sep 19, 2018 at 3:12pm

His parents are still babysitting him. I suggest you leave them to it.

He's still an adolescent, you see. A larval stage of life. Give it another decade before he's ready for even the basic stuff (food, clothing, shelter), if then.
At the moment, he's got about as much responsibility as a cat, which is exactly right.
A couple of years ago I met a girl of about 29 who was exactly at the same level of maturity, after some interesting life choices. Incredible potential, stunning looks and a keen mind, but a complete waste of space because still in the "finding myself, chasing the shiny, getting high and banging randoms" stage. She just moved in with her parents, in time to turn 30.
Bless her heart.

Walk away. It's maddening to watch someone dear to you, living the dream... of being a parasite.

Just to put it into context..

Sep 19, 2018 at 4:42pm

So how old are you both now? If 30 then that is a bigger deal than 22.. but still I agree with you.. not a good sign, a lack of ambition to be something in life, to get some skills and a decent paying career. As well not a good sign he doesn't want to be independent, have his own place.

Sounds like you are moving in different directions, maybe tell him how you feel, that you care for him but don't see it working without some changes on his end.. from there leave it up to him, but if you don't see him getting a bit more direction, then probably best to move on, or you will regret time wasted.

Anyways, just my perspective as an older guy.

12 7Rating: +5

this ain't about gender

Sep 19, 2018 at 5:11pm

This is about whether you should commit to being with someone whose shit is very far from being together.

I don't think you deserve better. No one deserves a partner, although you can argue that some people don't deserve them.

But you are totally allowed to want better and to do the things necessary to improve your odds at that, starting with gently parting ways with the manchild.

21 6Rating: +15


Sep 19, 2018 at 5:24pm

Yes but I'll bet my house that you cheered in university when they told you how women need to rise up and take power etc.

Meanwhile your poor slob of a significant other has had nothing but abuse coming his way from the day he was born.

I happen to be a CEO of a significant company. Everyone has to pretend to love me. Or else. So tell me: What have you got to offer, besides mentally ditching your boyfriend?


Sep 19, 2018 at 5:48pm

I guess I understand what you're saying, it's not unreasonable. What I still can't get my head around though, is that if you were to swap the sexes... no guy would be on here complaining that while he has graduated, his GF is still working the same Safeway job she had at 18 and shares housing with friends and family... He'd most likely be wanting to move in together and get a life going, regardless of what she does for a living.

Hilarious to hear women on this forum constantly trying to tear down the argument that a mans money and status are NOT what they're after. Posts like this are the reality, and women are liars.

Glad we've got to the bottom of that.

Reminds me of one of my ex girlfriends

Sep 19, 2018 at 8:55pm

We met when I was a poor,in debt student in third year and she worked part time is fashion ie clothing store.
I got the usual "you're a great guy BUT I want a guy with..." speech. OK whatever. I went on to get a great career,then start my own business with great success.
From what I heard from her cousin who is friends with one of my workers,she had a long string of hookups with many crappy guys,knocked up by 2 of them and at the age of 30 is a welfare mom. Living in her parent's basement. Expecting me to come rescue her. Probably whining that there's no real men in Vancouver,as they're all drug addicts and unemployed.

12 9Rating: +3

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