Paradox of plenty, a Vancouver women’s quest for true love

I am so confused. What do men want exactly? Recently divorced (abusive marriage), I’m trying my hand at meeting guys again. I feel like it’s so complicated. I am what people would call an ideal female. I am 27 without kids, attractive, kind, I care for my parents and earn a good living. I am not perfect, I feel like men search for my imperfections and lay them out for display. This guy I currently have feelings for complained about me being too nervous during coffee. Over text too! Now he is avoiding me like the plague. For fucks sakes, life is not a sales convention. I’m a human with butterflies in her stomach. People tell me to play the game better. That’s not what I’m looking for. Games are for things, not people. I’m tired of men expecting sex within a couple dates (I always go Dutch) I’m tired of dating already, and it’s only begun. What’s a girl to do? I’ve expanded on the types of guys I date, but it’s always the same outcome.....wanting my body without committing to me. I give up.

32 Comments

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Adviceman

Sep 11, 2018 at 9:33am

Maybe you are looking for men at the wrong place?

Relax

Sep 11, 2018 at 10:15am

Actually, life exactly is a sales convention. You’re selling yourself every minute of the day. If the guys you’re dating are tearing you down, then that’s what they’re selling and you should run the other way, until you find someone who won’t. They do exist.

I don’t know about the rest but -
Regarding the nervousness, that’s a major turn off for anybody. It shows you’re not comfortable in your own skin. I would work on that first

Anonymous

Sep 11, 2018 at 10:16am

Reads like you expect relationships to go perfectly right from the start with random people.

You're not 18 years old. At your age men expect things whether you want it or not. Sucks but it is reality.

Give yourself at least another year before you start getting bitter. Bitterness is the red flag of all red flags.

Plato

Sep 11, 2018 at 10:45am

You sound interesting and attractive....maybe look for someone with more maturity.

27 8Rating: +19

36 year old man

Sep 11, 2018 at 11:35am

I also hate dating. I can also lay out all of my ideal qualities but things just don't click on the date. Either she's not attracted to me or I'm not attracted to her or both. I also get nervous, women have told me I don't have to be nervous around them but I can't help myself. I know being confident is very attractive but I can't fake it. Everybody's imperfect and if they can't except your imperfections then they aren't the right person for you. As for sex within the first couple dates. I've never pushed for sex but I worry that if it gets dragged on the more doubts will happen on if I'm the right guy for her. There are douchbags who only want women for sex and won't ever commit but I know I wouldn't be thinking about commitment early on in a relationship unless I was desperately lonely and that's not good either.

That all being said I haven't gone on a date in years because it just made me depressed. People have recommended that I stop thinking about women and just go out and enjoy myself. I'm also going to therapy to work on my low self-esteem. And if I'm happy and out in the world I'll hopefully end up attracting the right person. Maybe that will work for you. You're 27, you're putting way too much pressure on yourself to find a man.

38 7Rating: +31

Go older

Sep 11, 2018 at 11:55am

Many women have better luck meeting older men, who are on a similar maturity level

you may

Sep 11, 2018 at 12:46pm

have 1000 of matches on dating sites but no one would approach you on the streets to give you validation. You may think you're an ideal but in reality it doesnt really work out this way. In fact we many men just want sex from you cause you cant bring anything else to the table. Just think about it. When ur looks fade away we find a younger one. When were bored of one we get another one. When u play drama we ignore u and again get a new one. When working out in the gym we look and fascinate at our own reflections in the mirror not yours, when on a date with you we check out other girls...thats life

8 45Rating: -37

Older men

Sep 11, 2018 at 12:46pm

Can be just as immature as young men. Same as women.

27 is

Sep 11, 2018 at 12:48pm

a good age...2.5 years left until 30

Men are afraid

Sep 11, 2018 at 12:56pm

Of being with A strong, independent woman....I remember I was supppses to go out on a date with this guy that I totally liked, he called me and I said, I’m excited to see you call me when your done (he was working)..he called me back 5 mins later to cancel because he felt pressured (seriously) what a douche, I never heard from him again,....10 years later, who messaged me on FB! Yes him, he confessed that he was intimidated by me because I had my shit together etc....oh well his loss, he ended married and divorced to a psycho and that explains why he tried to come back, sorry I’m happily married with kids honey! 10 years too late, and honestly if he ended up calling me back after he canceled I would have never gone out with him again.
Keep doing you, don’t settle find a strong man who is confident in himself and then you’ll be happy

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