Raised by wolves?

Dear future husband, I hope that you will understand why you will not meet my family and why they will not attend our wedding. My father emotionally disowned me when I was very young. Nothing I did could win his love. My mother expects me to be single and lonely forever. She already uninvited herself from my future hypothetical wedding. It took a long time for me to put the pieces together and realize that I had to get away from her just to be able to go on dates. My sister only consents to interactions with me when they are on her terms, that is, only when she wants something from me. I hope you understand how hard I've had to fight to get my autonomy so that I can live my life as an adult and do things that normal adults do.

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Anonymous

Sep 24, 2018 at 2:31pm

Considering my in-laws, you're future husband is a lucky guy.

11 9Rating: +2

Time to get over it

Sep 24, 2018 at 2:35pm

I think you're the same person who's been posting here complaining about your family. I had a similar childhood growing up with overprotective and conservative asian parents who wouldn't let me go out or date. I also have a more sociable sister who's married with kids while I'm still single. I was resentful when I was younger but I realized that it was up to me to make the most of my life instead of holding a grudge because of the past.

As J.K. Rowling said: “There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.”

I think your relationship with your parents and sister would improve if you could explain to them how you feel instead of being bitter and passive aggressive.

I'd consider

Sep 24, 2018 at 3:04pm

you a 'catch' because of this. :^) No need to put up with crap just because they are 'family'. You go girl.

19 8Rating: +11

Blame the victim

Sep 24, 2018 at 3:29pm

"...your relationship with your parents and sister would improve...instead of being bitter and passive aggressive"

I don't think she's bitter,just realistic. And her family sounds like narcissists to me,so going to them would be rewarding their behaviour and- in their eyes- admitting their superiority.
Since when is avoiding a bad situation "passive aggressive".
Nice try with the shaming language.

26 8Rating: +18

Let it go

Sep 24, 2018 at 4:14pm

It is a tough world out there. I am guessing you are a Generation X. Many people do not have the emotional support from parents or any support for that matter. Forget all the cloak and dagger drama stuff. My goodness, they are not serial killers. Let them come to the wedding,it is the honourable/respectful thing to do. Then let go of expectations. Children should know their grandparents.

My father has not even bothered to call me in 10 years. Does not mean I would not include him in key events etc. I take care of myself. That is reality.

Change your perspective and be happy.

8 17Rating: -9

Baggage

Sep 24, 2018 at 6:52pm

Less is better.
And sh*tty people make the worst kind of baggage (more like radioactive waste). Especially blood relatives. They get that grandiose sense of entitlement for free, whereas most strangers have to work up to that level. And they know how to push your buttons - they installed most of them.
Keep the baggage as far away as possible. Relationships are hard enough without it. Extended family politics make things more complicated, and toxic families make for ugly breakups.
You're making the right choice, and don't let any conventional thinkers tell you otherwise.

22 3Rating: +19

@Blame the victim

Sep 24, 2018 at 9:17pm

I'm not blaming her; I'm asking her to take responsibility for her own life. OP seems to be the kind of person who remains silent when something bothers her, and creates scenarios in her head in which she blames everyone for not reading her mind... like she does here and in her previous posts. She displays symptoms of a Martyr Complex, look it up.

Not saying that she didn't have an unhappy childhood but how many people grew up in ideal circumstances? Her parents weren't violent or abusive. I also have a hard time believing the whole family was hating on this one daughter, and somehow their other daughter managed to have a normal life with marriage and kids.

The situation seems to be a case of misunderstanding created by generational and cultural differences. OP's tendency to shut down instead of communicating with her family seems to be the cause of these conflicts rather than everyone being narcissistic and hating on her for no reason at all. She should deal with her issues with a therapist instead of continuing to blame her family for how her life turned out. She's a grown woman for f*ck's sake.

These normal adults

Sep 24, 2018 at 11:45pm

Of whom you speak are they like ants? dogs? bees?
We have seen lots on this strange orb my friend and if you can vouch for their worthyness I say why not!

10 3Rating: +7

Read all the comments

Sep 25, 2018 at 6:06am

The comments somewhere show a balanced response to this person. I agree that there is something more here. I will put it simply. Spend time with those who love and respect you. Differentiate yourself from the family narrative you have, just suspend judgement and disengage.

8 8Rating: 0

Ummm....

Sep 25, 2018 at 2:22pm

For a minute, I thought this was written by Meghan Markle....

4 10Rating: -6

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