Just FYI

Anyone who reads Confessions regularly knows there's a "dating in Vancouver" flame war that's common here. Most of it doesn't faze me, but there's this one recurring theme that kind of sticks in my craw. Whenever men lament that Vancouver women insist on dating from a scarce pool of elite men, the retort is always, "who are you guys talking about? Instagram models?! You don't look at *real* women! It's your own fault" My new favorite come from the person who asked, "do you guys stand outside designer fashion boutiques or Yaletown restaurants looking for these women?" Ok. So, let me just take a minute to explain something about men. Heterosexual men are sexually attracted to women. I mean, ALL women. We don't care if you're tall, short, thin or plump. We don't care what color you are, where you're from, which religion you practice (if at all), how you earn a living, where you live, or what's in your bank account. I was going to say we just want you to shower regularly and dress decently but on second thought, lots of guys probably wouldn't insist on that either. The point is, no we aren't all prowling for models or sugar babies. That's absurd. We are attracted to most women and it ranges from small crushes to intense attraction. If you want evidence, I can tell you that Schwarzenegger and Hugh grant had affairs with women who were hardly models, and Hugh Jackman is married to a non-celebrity/model. If you're a woman, I can guarantee you that whatever your socioeconomic status or appearance is, there is a guy out there who wants to be with you. Know what's in a man's "checklist?" Be nice to us and fun to spend time with. The reason why all these men are whinging about rejection is that all the things I mentioned above about men, can't be said of women. Sorry, but the truth is that Vancouver women, models or not, tend to have very narrow opinions about who they consider attractive and they're not as disposed to giving anyone a chance as men are. I know this is where the downvotes will pile up, but I'm totally willing to die on this hill. Anyways, I think I'll leave it here. Thanks.

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Im the person you quoted

Oct 9, 2018 at 7:26pm

And the reason why I said that still stands. No woman I know has EVER cared about money with the men they’ve dated or married, or been wrapped up in status at all. And the fact that you’re lying about men being attracted to anyone who’s nice REGARDLESS of their body shape or looks is beyond the pale. Women who are your basic, normal, average types don’t walk around painting status symbols like designer purses and shit like that, and I’ll bet your bottom dollar that men who complain about women who are about status are EXACTLY the kind to flaunt that requirement

And bringing up men who had affairs, hahaha YES, those were AFFAIRS, side chicks, and in Grant’s case, prostitutes. They weren’t considered relationship material by any stretch.

Every guy I’ve tried to date in Vancouver will ghost within a few weeks of an amazing connection, because he’s too scared of commitment and will much rather play the “swipe right” dating game, because as you say, men are visual creatures, and they’re always wondering about that green green grass on the other side of that fence. And that’s the truth for dating as a woman in this city.

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Anonymous

Oct 9, 2018 at 7:28pm

Well the good news is that's your opinion and only an opinion. It definitely does not apply to me.

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Disagree

Oct 9, 2018 at 7:41pm

Agree that most men are willing to have sex with any woman at least once. They are much choosier about who they want to have a real relationship, be invested in emotionally etc.

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Seriously?

Oct 9, 2018 at 8:02pm

So when I decide to show up for a first date dressed as most men do by wearing a baseball hat to cover my uncombed hair, an old baggy t-shirt and dirty shoes, these altruistic men will give me a chance?
This is excellent news! Cant wait to find this man who will love me for being me at my worst!

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You’re wrong, OP

Oct 9, 2018 at 8:08pm

Men are just as picky with checklists as women. Want proof? My white blonde, supremely busty female friends were ENCIRCLED by men. My other very busty brunette friend was flirted with all night, and no one talked to me once. Men have impossible beauty expectations of women and flock to the ones that fit the stereotype. You are absolutely lying through your teeth that “men like anything”. Women are free to choose their partners as men are free to choose their partners. I don’t see anything wrong with women wanting a guy with a solid career making good money, AND hot, AND owns his own place. Men will always want to be seen with very pretty women with beautiful bodies. Even as an A cup I still landed a smart, educated, grounded, hot guy making 6 figures because that was what I looked for, and I found it. It’s laughable that you think all women are equal in the dating world.

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Sorry

Oct 9, 2018 at 8:20pm

Sorry but most of us "regular" vancouver women are working through our issues and seeking emotionally unavailable men because we feel unworthy of love because of something our parents did wrong. So those ones are still f*coking and bring loyal to our on again off again exes.
The other women (who aren't escorts) know their value and are not gonna be content for a "regular" vancouver guy who is complaining about dating pool options rather than focusing on himself so he can be ready, especially emotionally, for when a woman of value comes along.
So...the dating pool of vancouver women consists of broken, high value, and sex-worker type women. You don't want the broken ones cause they are possessive, needy, jealous, over emotional...and most men would prefer not to LTR-up an escort, so you're left with high value women...and that's gonna involve a lot more effort BUT it will be worth it.

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Anonymous

Oct 9, 2018 at 8:48pm

Thank you for the thoughtful, well-written post. As a single female, I don’t totally agree with everything you’ve stated, but it’s refreshing to have an intelligent expression of opinion. A nice change from the rants fueled by anger that appear too often on here.

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Hugh Jackman's wife...

Oct 9, 2018 at 8:58pm

lol..she's a beard, He's gay as a picnic basket.

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You forgot to talk about sex

Oct 9, 2018 at 10:13pm

I will share my opinion as a woman knowing it might not apply to all women - everyone's different, and same goes for men. For me, sex is like chocolate. I really enjoy it, but I survive without it - and can even forget about it at times. I think that for most men sex is more like... food. So the promise of regular sex is a pretty good incentive for lots of men to date. Now I don't know what incentives other women have for dating, but for me personally, it's finding a true friend. And I tell you, true friends are harder to find than guys I can have sex with.

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Cpt. Obvious

Oct 9, 2018 at 10:17pm

Egad! A voice of reason!
What are you doing here? Did you take a wrong turn in Liverpool, Vladivostok or Mexico City?
Quick! Hide, before the murder descends and eats you!
Heh...
Seriously, though, I invariably wind up with women who are beautiful, but not much like any of the classically "pretty" types portrayed in western media.
They're striking and gorgeous to me because I seek the beauty in them, and find it. And always tell them so. I don't have a type as much as a range of types, with outliers welcome if they have exceptional personality or ability.
Sometimes they pay for stuff and other times I do. Right now it's all me. Depends on the circumstances, not the person.
It doesn't matter how much money she has or how accomplished she is professionally. If she's conformist, incurious, unimaginative and not very expressed as an individual, it won't work.
And don't get me started on "tradition". Anyone who buys that sh*t is not for me. "Because we've always done it this way" is an automatically invalid reason for anything.

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