We, men of Russia and Eastern Europe in general, do approach women in the streets and this is normal out there. Lolz for communist though

You know what I meant (as in how the history of surveillance in common knowledge). And I wouldn't be surprised to learn that such invasive tactics help uphold the rampant horribly violent homophobia over there (that some ignorant and fslsely-entitled expats bring...and others as refugees escape from... when they come here). We are not like that, even if we still "need work".

I think you're over thinking it and too imaginative. How about just waiting patiently for him to come to you or maybe even consider the idea he's not ready nor ever will be.

Honestly, thinking he's reading anonymous posts and then assuming he thinks it's you and then treating you badly because of it is a little...concerning.

Used by whistle-blowers, journalists and other "undesirables" worldwide. Banned in a bunch of despotic places.
Erases conversations after they are over. Encrypted end to end. Close to the best you can do. Explicitly designed for this sort of thing.
Good luck persuading someone transcendently paranoid to use it.

Except that exact thing happened to me. I told my bf that I read this column and sometimes contribute and he used it as leverage to guilt trip me and abuse me. Never tell anyone you use this column. It’s anonymous for a reason!

If you told him directly not to speak to you, he will never speak to you directly. If you're married, he is never going to show up at your door to cut in on your family and husband, that is if he actually has a shred of self respect and decency.

Stop playing games here, and call the guy yourself since you were probably the one that cut off direct lines of communication to begin with. Learn to take some accountability and responsibility like a fucking adult for your actions!

I feel for both of you. I assume you’re talking about a relationship you’re pursuing with a married man who hasn’t come out yet. If you’re not in that situation you likely have no idea how hard that would be, and this is coming from a hetero woman. If this man has a family he’s got a lot to lose (at least initially) and it’s not quite as easy as you make it seem. You knew what you were getting into when you got involved with a married man! You’ve got no rights here. You either wait patiently or you move on, but flipping out the way you are isn’t okay.

@@um
What the actual fuck though.

Nope. Did no such thing. Opposite, in fact. And I was never one to do the whole show up at the door thing. What the hell would that achieve? Fuck up his life? How is that love? Even in spite, it hurts so many innocent people and that's too messed up. Very complex situation. Neither advocates infidelity, thankfully. He has to reach out. He knows why. Talking is what's on the agenda. Experience knows the importance of it. It has to come from him but once he initiates, he's got support waiting. Not pity support. Camaraderie. I also know he's stoically miserable right now. The worst thing is to stew in one's own mind without an outlet. He's an adult, and I trust him to find his way. I wish he trusted just a wee bit more and allowed himself this much. And the trust part is the hardest. I don't take it personally as it's almost like a rite of passage. I went through something like it, it's kind of freaky when you learn how common it is. It's also really hard. Even basic exploration goes against everything we're taught and programmed...especially from a Christian background, even if you don't feel religious that stuff runs deep, it's so ingrained. The natural go-to is disgust, then resentment, then frustration. It's a lot of zigzagging and small victories towards feeling okay with yourself. You gotta be really strong to deal with stuff like this. The worst is the fear. And spelling it out on here will only undermine him so let's just say his fears are for him to work through and right now his heart is fighting his fears. He's gotta give himself and those who love him more credit. All I can do is be here. I wish I knew the magic words to reach him.