Why I write

posted October 17th, 2018 at 10:25 AM

I sometimes resort to writing to certain people in my life about difficult situations, instead of talking to them directly. I only do this when past experience with them has shown that I won’t be able to offer my own perspective in a verbal conversation, because I’m not willing to engage in a shouting match, and I’m not willing to resort to personal attacks instead of focusing on behaviour and actions. These are people who routinely rant and talk over me, telling me all their reasons why I’m to blame for whatever the situation happens to be, without allowing me the opportunity to provide my own side, or to even defend myself. I have C-ptsd and being in that type of confrontational situation causes me extreme anxiety to the point where my heart races and I begin shaking violently, making it virtually impossible for me to be able to even form rational thoughts to attempt to respond. So often I need to leave or end a phone call so that I can regain some physical control and be able to process what was said. Once I’ve had a chance to think about it, I sometimes try to communicate by writing, which to me is much better than yelling and insulting someone. I always try very hard to be respectful about what I say, and accept responsibility when I believe I’ve been wrong. So if you don’t want me to write to you, I’d be very happy to have a conversation that doesn’t involve me being a target of a rant, you yelling constantly, and does permit me to say my part too, without me having to shout over you. It’s so frustrating when I feel that the people who do this appear to think that no matter what they say they’re right, because I can’t get a word in edgewise to contradict them!

4 Comments

Maybe...

Oct 18, 2018 at 10:14am

...they shout because you don't listen, that you don't compromise (you may think you do but do you?) and/or you can't find middle ground. And you might need to find a way to do so without letting your emotions rule you to point of verbal incapacitation.

@maybe

Oct 18, 2018 at 7:15pm

Shouting isn’t an effective way to communicate. Listening doesn’t mean that the person you’re talking to has to agree with everything you say or they’re wrong. Compromise involves two people, and that includes the ranter. And finally, if you truly cared to learn what ptsd and c-ptsd does to a human being, you would also understand that the physical reactions are not something you can control. Perhaps with years of expensive therapy a person can completely heal from the trauma, but it’s not uncommon for it to be a lifelong problem, particularly if it’s gone on for a very long time, as is the case for me. If you think I wouldn’t just love to “get over it”, think again. Your response makes me think that you’re exactly like the type of person I’m talking about, where you feel always justified in your remarks and your behaviour, but the other person is always wrong.

@ @maybe

Oct 20, 2018 at 3:08pm

You sound like one of those sad people who wear their "condition " like a badge of honor and use it as an excuse to dominate every aspect of socialization without any accountability. Relationshipsinvolve compromise, not learning to accommodate only one person's rules and that sounds like you. It becomes exhausting. The only relationship you'll ever have is with a therapist. Your reaction today explains why you're single.

@@@ maybe

Oct 20, 2018 at 11:30pm

First of all, I’m not single. So much for assumptions. Secondly, I’m almost always the one in every single relationship (friends, family, SO,) who’s doing all of the compromising. Again, so much for assumptions. Finally, my “condition” , as you’ve phrased it so sarcastically and dismissively, is something real, and obviously and luckily for you, you’ve never experienced the level of ongoing trauma that I have that caused it, or maybe you’d have an ounce of compassion and empathy for those of us who deal with it, which clearly you don’t. I have shared the fact that I was diagnosed with it with only 2 people in my life, and I hardly use it to dominate. That’s actually pretty funny because what it actually means is that because confrontation is so hard on me, other people have wound up treating me like their whipping boy where they get to download all their negative shit onto me and flip out when I put a stop to it. I don’t know who you think you’re talking to or about, but since you don’t know me, I suggest that you dump your negative shit somewhere else.