Gaslit again

Getting gaslit always has such an effect on me. Being told I'm interpreting reality differently scares me, especially when it's from someone who is supposed to help, be supportive, or etc. I start questioning simple jokes from people who have never gaslit me. I relive the events, wondering if I AM wrong about my experience. I feel myself becoming wary and distrusting. It's hard to maintain a positive, trusting outlook when this keeps happening. I feel so embarrassed that it affects me like this and I feel weak that I allow it to happen.

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Not your fault!

Nov 18, 2018 at 7:04pm

It’s far too common nowadays for people to blame the victim. Being a kind and trusting person is not a character flaw. You were taken advantage of by an unscrupulous person who thought nothing of messing with your head. It’s an insidious form of mental/emotional abuse and can have devastating long term consequences for the victim. You begin to doubt your own mind, which is exactly the type of mind control these people are looking for. Getting away from someone like that is your only option if you don’t want to totally lose your own identity.

11 3Rating: +8

You’re not alone

Nov 18, 2018 at 10:08pm

I constantly overthink things too and in conversation I will attribute meaning to words said that the author never intended. But here’s the thing, it’s the sign of a life fully lived. Only you perceive your life through your eyes. It’s your life. Who gives a fuck what someone else thinks? You should attribute as much meaning to your life as you want it to have.

That said, if you are a sensitive person - lord knows I am - that makes this advice a bit dangerous. Are you objectively sensing meaning others do not or are you subjectively projecting what you want onto what actually is? The first is not a problem, but the second can be. Personally, I’ve thought I was desired only to find heartbreak. I was projecting. Then because I was hurt by rejection, I closed myself off and assumed that I was undesired only to find that I broke another’s heart.

What you describe - embarrassment, wariness and distrust - that sounds an awful lot like fear. Specifically, fear of rejection. I have no words of wisdom to combat that fear except to say that fear kills life. It really does. In the end, you have to choose. Be open, feast on life and risk pain or close yourself off and be safe but hungry.

4 4Rating: 0

Sucker born every minute

Nov 19, 2018 at 1:00am

And two to take 'em

3 5Rating: -2

Try being...

Nov 19, 2018 at 5:29am

... an ugly guy, getting told the reason women won't have anything to do with you is your "personality"!

4 11Rating: -7

Trauma

Nov 19, 2018 at 7:44am

Sorry you are experiencing horrible behaviour. It is traumatic being emotionally abused by people. You are human. Natural to not trust people who have not earned it when you have been hurt. You are not weak, nor are you to blame for others toxic behaviour. Stay away from these people. That is within your control.

4 3Rating: +1

My confession

Nov 19, 2018 at 10:28am

I can completely relate to this, as someone close to me does this to me, too.

I have realized that when he says "I never said that" he really means "That doesn't sound good so I don't want to believe I ever said that so no, I never said that" which is a completely different thing.

I've had to start documenting things by writing them down, just to confirm I wasn't imagining things.

All in all, a scary place to be, as you've pointed out. So no, you're not the only one. The sad thing is that you and I have been tolerant of this kind of thing; the reality is that it's very hard to call them on it without going to extremes like recording every conversation.

Thank you for your confession - you've got me rethinking my situation.

13 1Rating: +12

You could....

Nov 19, 2018 at 10:28am

take a 'Critical Thinking' class....and just don't 'over-think' everything in your daily existence.

4 5Rating: -1

@You could..

Nov 19, 2018 at 1:39pm

Probably better to take symbolic logic in the philosophy dept at your local community college than something called "critical thinking."

4 3Rating: +1

@My confession

Nov 19, 2018 at 10:36pm

What you said resonated with me. I left a guy like that earlier this year, because I literally felt like he was making me crazy. I used to wish I had a recording device hidden in my place! No matter what the situation was, if it wasn’t something positive he totally denied ever saying or doing it, and he’d take credit for anything good that I did. It doesn’t get better. I tried for almost 20 years and nothing changed.

5 1Rating: +4

@youcould

Nov 19, 2018 at 11:48pm

It is not overthinking. It is a reaction to trauma and abuse. Crazy making behaviour.

4 1Rating: +3

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