What do you do when you have no purpose, meaning or connection? When all you have known is pain and struggle, and nothing improves? When you ve only wanted to be healthy and happy, and help others, but continue to deteriorate and doctors and treatments not helping? Ive tried countless medications, treatments, and some issues the doctors are perplexed by and can't diagnose despite tests indicating otherwise. To not feel connected to anyone or anything, yet so desperately wanting to feel understood for the pain you endure from mental, and physical health issues, but appear "normal" from the outside while barely surviving, and struggling with finding any reason to keep going... Yes I've been in counseling for years and still am, tried countless meds, and treatments for depression, PTSD, and OCD. Treatment resistant depression is extremely difficult to treat. My other chronic issues and pain are difficult and doctors have been useless... Though I still go. Despite falling seriously physically ill due to grave medical mistakes and my life being jeopardized twice.... Hate doctors. Believe your patients, I nearly paid the price, and honestly wish I did pass. To know I'll never find love again because who would want to be with someone so sick. Though there are the rare men that love women in spite of that and I've had that once, but many years ago. people close to me say you have the most awful luck, and im tired of trying to be strong. There are many of us that look able bodied from the outside, that put on a facade to hide at work, with friends that just don't get it.... the fact we are drowning and are dealing with obstacles that would break anyone.... Be kind, be open, listen, and be empathetic. There are so many of us that deal with intolerable suffering. I look at humanity, and wonder why, why do so many others that are good people struggle so much while such horrible people flourish and have everything and take life for granted, their health, their partners, friends, and the great lives they do have. I would give anything to not have a broken mind and body, to feel joy, have a partner, work ft and just have normalcy, and regular things.