Bipolar mess

Bipolar disorder is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. The last week I have blown up on him over nothing. I'm stuck in a manic episode. People seem to think manic means super happy. For me it means extremely irritated and angry. He's been very patient with me but lately I think he may be seeing someone behind my back ... and I don't blame him. I've been feeling suicidal. I've been pushing him away and acting extremely irrational. I try to stop but it's like I'm a puppet and someone is pulling my strings. The worst part is when I think I'm actually being reasonably mad and he says "have you taken your meds today?". I immediately tell him to go fuck himself and storm off but then start thinking maybe he's right... I'm just crazy. I don't want to live like this anymore. I sabotage every single relationship. I just don't want to be here anymore. Want to drive as far away as possible and keep on driving.

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Hang in there

Dec 14, 2018 at 9:21am

I am also bipolar and it took me 3 different medications until I found the one that helped me (Citalopram).
Everyone's brain chemistry is different and it sounds like your current med isn't the right one for you.
Talk to your doctor ASAP.
Good luck.

20 8Rating: +12

Hmmm

Dec 14, 2018 at 9:30am

If you had a broken leg wouldn't you talk to someone like a doctor who could help you heal? Then go to someone like a doctor and ask them to help.

I'm with you

Dec 14, 2018 at 10:10am

I know exactly how it feels to suffer from a disorder like this. It's hell, and it's impossible for anyone else to understand, even those who love us. I was broken up with earlier this year for the same reason; he couldn't handle me anymore. All I can say to you is that you need to try to get help. Which is sometimes impossible as therapy and medication are so expensive. But you must try to find a way, or you'll lose more than your partner and other relationships—you'll lose yourself, too. I was only able to get help after ending up in the hospital. I hope it doesn't come to that for you. Please know that you're not alone, so many of us deal with similar hells... I wish I could help you.

20 3Rating: +17

hugs...

Dec 14, 2018 at 10:45am

I'm bipolar and could've written this.

15 9Rating: +6

Disclosure

Dec 14, 2018 at 10:45am

At least he knows.
Dealing with another who rides the same train as you, but being kept in the dark about the neurochemical issues... Not fun. Like a wound that refuses to heal. Even over a year later.
Thank you for your honesty. You don't know how much it helps.
I do.

9 13Rating: -4

For your....

Dec 14, 2018 at 12:45pm

and everyone's sake, please take your Med's religiously. My father was Bi-Polar and made all of my family and anyone he came in contact with endure a living nightmare. You can be a danger to yourself and anyone that stands before you. Help is available, you have a duty to maintain your proscribed treatments.

Caring

Dec 14, 2018 at 1:15pm

Get help. Do it NOW -- before it's too late. Do it for yourself, and those around you that love you, whether you realize it or not.

17 3Rating: +14

mental health

Dec 14, 2018 at 1:43pm

take action for yourself and those you love

15 6Rating: +9

So sorry

Dec 14, 2018 at 4:57pm

One of my sons is bipolar. As a mother I know the heartache and confusion and chaos that comes from loving someone with this condition. I love him but he doesn’t make it easy. I’m sure that it’s even harder to be the person that has it though. I really hope that you’re able to find a medication that works well for you, and that you continue to remember that you need to keep taking it. Much compassion, and wishing you luck in dealing with this.

14 6Rating: +8

It's tough! Acknowledge it.

Dec 19, 2018 at 3:05am

It sounds small, but my husband has bipolar and whenever he's been up and down it really helps me, and us, feel better when he just takes a step back and thanks me for being there for him, acknowledges that he knows it's hard, etc. It can, at times, feel like a thankless job, of sorts - especially when there's a spell of uncontrollable anger and blame, or depression. As a partner, it can be really hard to watch someone spin out of control, and your partner may be pulling away as a form of self-preservation. I have to pull back and fill my life with stuff so I'm not pulled into the vortex sometimes - to keep my own sanity, if you will. Having him acknowledge that it's tough for me, too, can mean the world.

This person chose to be with you, love you, and it's a harder choice for them to make. There are easier people to be with in the world, and they chose you, so you must be pretty awesome. And they are fucking strong, so ask them for support. It helps so much to be open about how you're feeling and what you're going through. Check in with each other emotionally, try to get to the root of what is making you spin, ask for help when you need it but take care of yourself, too! Educate yourselves about what's going on and a lot of understanding can come from that. And I can't say enough about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy!

6 3Rating: +3

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