Bipolar disorder is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. The last week I have blown up on him over nothing. I'm stuck in a manic episode. People seem to think manic means super happy. For me it means extremely irritated and angry. He's been very patient with me but lately I think he may be seeing someone behind my back ... and I don't blame him. I've been feeling suicidal. I've been pushing him away and acting extremely irrational. I try to stop but it's like I'm a puppet and someone is pulling my strings. The worst part is when I think I'm actually being reasonably mad and he says "have you taken your meds today?". I immediately tell him to go fuck himself and storm off but then start thinking maybe he's right... I'm just crazy. I don't want to live like this anymore. I sabotage every single relationship. I just don't want to be here anymore. Want to drive as far away as possible and keep on driving.