Can't run this time

I had a dream that I was on a deserted island with hundreds of people. It had been years when finally a huge helicopter came to rescue us. It was lowering tiny canoes with random paddles floating in the water for each of us but when I finally got a boat every paddle was gone and the water was just strong enough that the canoe alone wouldn't take me anywhere. I screamed frantically and people looked back but no one would come for me. I helplessly drifted back to the island and realized my fate. It was somewhere in extreme conditions where the sun could almost burn you alive and there wasn't a tree in sight for shade. I collapsed in the sand as the helicopter faded into the distance, laid there staring into the sky wishing I would die right then and there. Dreams are strange the way they morph into another part, like a new scene in a movie. The next thing I knew I was picking up quarters from the sand. I found $4.75 all together as I excitedly put my head up, I was looking into a vanity putting on makeup. I had found enough money for a beer and was going to go party. My boyfriend didn't want me drinking but I was angry that he was still allowed so I was going to "teach him a lesson". My brother's weird hippie friend came into the room excited that I had found the money because he wanted to buy a joint. When I said no, he tried to rip it out of my hand and the next thing we were wrestling eachother on top of on overpass on a highway. I kicked him and he stumbled over the ledge. I couldn't believe what I had done over $5.00. I looked over the edge but all I saw were hundreds of smashed watermelons. Cars had slid and crashed into eachother. People were laying in blood, dead in their cars and car horns were blaring from people's heads laying on them. I started running as I knew I would surely go to jail for what I'd done. Three helicopters started chasing me. My legs almost couldn't take me any further. I had been running so fast that I couldn't breath anymore. My aunt started talking to me from the sky telling me to stop running and face what I had done. I began crying frantically collapsed in a field where the helicopters moved in on me. I was arrested and taken back to the island. I watched the helicopter fly away again. In real life I woke up sweating and crying. I believe all dreams have meaning. I'm an alcoholic who unfortunately has created a tragic mess of my life. Maybe my soul is trying to tell me to give up drinking. I've caused so much pain and heart ache in my own and others' lives. It's time to face the music and try to fix what damage I've done. I don't want to keep running any longer. My aunt was like my mother. She raised me. Sadly, she passed way in March. I think she has been looking down on me and has seen my life getting worse. Her voice in the sky was so clear telling me to stop running. I want my life to be different.. to be better. I poured the rest of my vodka down the sink. I hope I can do this. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope anyone else struggling with addiction can push through and change their life the way I'd like to. You're not alone.

1 Comments

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Your NOT alone!

Dec 16, 2018 at 11:01am

I know addiction is hard, it helps make everyday more manageable. But really it's just because we ain't use to feeling and dealing with the emotions that are unpleasant.

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