Friends with my crush

A few months ago I got the courage to finally become friends with the guy who I've always liked alot who is also my coworker. Based on some of the comments he's made lately, I don't think he'll ever like me as more than a friend and that makes me really sad. I shouldn't have become friends with someone who I am interested in. I might tell him how I feel once we are not coworkers anymore but I am not sure since he might tell other people we know about it and things will be awkward. He is an awesome, hilarious, caring person and I enjoyed the time we knew each other so far. I can't fall asleep because this is weighing me down. For now I will keep acting normal around him. Any advice?

19 Comments

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Create some Drama...

Dec 12, 2018 at 6:54am

... in order to punish him for not validating m'lady's desires, which is basically a form of sexual assault (sexual assault by making the woman feel bad in a sexual context---remember, it's not a factor whether he is aware of this, the only issue is how he made you feel, that's what constitutes the elements of the New Model Penal Code), you should complain to HR about him.

Tell them that he's behaving inappropriately toward you, making lewd comments and gestures. Once they start breaking him down, then you can swoop in for the kill!

Hi OP

Dec 12, 2018 at 7:27am

It doesn't really sound like you need advice OP. You have a solid grasp of the situation, even if it's not the outcome you desire. Friendships with people who are awesome like that are always worth it.

I guess if I were to suggest anything to you, it would be not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

24 6Rating: +18

I don’t know

Dec 12, 2018 at 8:06am

I don’t really have much useful advice but I can relate.

Kind of attracted to a coworker, I know she’s in a relationship. I’m pretty sure it’s mutual, and maybe if the situation were different -
There are personal and professional boundaries to consider so I just keep acting normal, like you said. It’s probably easier for guys to compartmentalize things like that. Thing is, I suspect most good guys wouldn’t get involved with someone at work; it can get messy if it goes badly so they will remain guarded.

If you really want this guy, you will have to make some kind of move. If he’s a good guy as you say, the worst he’s likely to do is let you down easy

18 4Rating: +14

We can be

Dec 12, 2018 at 9:58am

Totally different people at work. Make sure it's not just his manic side that appeals to you.

8 11Rating: -3

Anonymous

Dec 12, 2018 at 10:14am

Look for a new job, I think. Once you don't work with him anymore and see him all the time, you'll feel better. When he's out of your space, you'll be able to move on and maintain the friendship as is.

As for telling him, it sounds like you know where he stands. Get some space between it first and if it's something you feel like you need to do, do it. But keep in mind that some people don't take that as well as other people, and that if he's immature about it, it might be quite painful. I've had friends admit they liked me and our friendship faded. I've liked friends and when I moved on, our friendship faded.

13 4Rating: +9

Thoughts

Dec 12, 2018 at 10:53am

1) He might be distant because you two are colleagues.
2) This may be a teachable moment for you: You can’t always get what you want. Especially with people.

16 6Rating: +10

Start dating other people and new hobbies

Dec 12, 2018 at 12:01pm

Distract yourself. Eventually the feelings will pass, you’ll be interested in other people and you and your co worker can remain friends.

Easy peasy.

15 7Rating: +8

Uhhhhhh

Dec 12, 2018 at 12:10pm

If it's appropriate, I pretty much always tell a person that I have a crush on them. Your situation is a bit more complex due to work. I tend to be quite open to my friend group if I have a crush. Then if the person I'm crushing on is interested or curious, then they can hang out with me in an informed manner. And if they are definitely not interested, they can politely decline. It does me no good to pine over someone in silence. Pining doesn't bring me closer to what I want and it also isn't healthy to hold on to longings for too long.

So yeah, I put my crushes front and centre. Then I can move forward or move on.

Bam.

24 5Rating: +19

Sometimes this Confessions section

Dec 12, 2018 at 12:11pm

reads like a 12 year old's diary.
Seriously, who are these child adults with their unrequited schoolgirl/schoolboy crushes?
Grow up already!

@ sometimes

Dec 12, 2018 at 1:38pm

How about learning some basic human decency and emotion already

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