It happened so suddenly

After MANY years of thinking of someone every day, every moment - so many years of wishing I'd never met them, wishing for a new brain, a lobotomy, an eternal sunshine pill or procedure, amnesia - I realized today it has been weeks since I thought of them at all, and thinking of them required such labored effort that it took me by surprise. I could almost hear the dialogue in my head - Think of them! Don't you remember you're supposed to be obsessed! Break time is over! - But now as I write this I feel a sort of weird lack of a lack.

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Have you heard of OCD?

Dec 6, 2018 at 9:31am

You may need counselling or meds.

4 5Rating: -1

Good one!

Dec 6, 2018 at 3:58pm

I’m still hoping to get there. Now when I have those moments of thinking of him I forcibly remind myself of all the reasons that I left and all the shitty things he did to me. It’s getting easier.

8 0Rating: +8

Forget them.

Dec 6, 2018 at 6:13pm

Someone caused me a lot of heartache once, and I would obsess constantly over them for quite some time. I still think of them every now and then, but far from how I use to. No respect or admiration now. I just see them as used goods or sloppy seconds, and basically just too completely soiled for my liking. I have gained a lot more respect for myself as not to ever settle for being someone's silver medal, second choice, or auxiliary on the back burner should their first place relationship not work out. If they ever approached me now, they would be in for a rude awakening.

6 4Rating: +2

Been there

Dec 6, 2018 at 6:59pm

You think you're over them...and then you wrote this (if you were, you wouldn't have to declare anything to the world). And soon you will think of them again. And wait until you see them! Boy, all the feelings will rush back, and some new ones too. A mix of frustration and anger (for having them in your mind for so long), fear and dread (that you realize those feelings are huge and deep) and desire (the tidal wave to remind you that they are still someone to you).
No, you feel deeply. Nobody carries emotions for years and then suddenly drops off. No, you've been busy with life, a sign of taking control for sure. But then i came back and it wasn't familiar. You've grown inside. But the test is the outer world, and that you have felt so long for someone will likely mean that the veneer of being over them is thin compared to what lies beneath.
It will be a long time before you are "over" them...if ever. The only cure is to meet another to take their place. And you have to be really ready for that. And even then, it may take a couple of people...meaningful ones to transition your heart.
The heart doesn't lie. The mind is great at it. Based on experience I can tell you this.

9 3Rating: +6

@Been there

Dec 7, 2018 at 1:22pm

It has to be the right person, you never know when it will happen. I was miserable for many years in a relationship, and thought that I wouldn't meet anyone else. But then as soon as I left, I met someone. Suddenly, my perspective on life totally changed. It was someone I'd never expect. I just feel like a different person now.

4 1Rating: +3

So perhaps that bump on the head

Dec 7, 2018 at 1:30pm

wasn't such a bad thing after all. Besides your walking helmet did look a little loopy

1 2Rating: -1

@Been

Dec 7, 2018 at 5:54pm

thanks for the meaningful post. And you're right of course.

3 1Rating: +2

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