suck at relationships

how do you know if someone is right for you? what if when you're with them you're happy, but as soon as you're not with them, all you do is question, and feel anxious and almost ill with all the things that feel wrong?

10 Comments

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Depends

Dec 10, 2018 at 9:47pm

That's normal. The beginning of a relationship is always stressful: you don't know how the other person feels about you, whether you're right for each other, etc. Eventually, things will sort themselves out, and you will see more clearly with time.

If everything is good but you're just paranoid and worried that things won't work out, just relax. Enjoy the present moment. Even if it doesn't work out, you'd still have a great time. Worrying too much risks putting a strain on your relationship. On the other hand, if things aren't so good (you have nothing in common or fight all the time), then you should wonder if it's not better for you to end it before becoming too attached.

19 8Rating: +11

that means

Dec 10, 2018 at 10:04pm

you're not really happy, move on

11 8Rating: +3

It's not them. It's you.

Dec 10, 2018 at 10:32pm

They're right for you. You're just not right with yourself. Learn to get a grip, and chill. Then you'll be good at relationships.

14 8Rating: +6

Anonymous

Dec 10, 2018 at 10:33pm

If things feel wrong, it's probably wrong. I've never started a relationship with things feeling less than right and had it start to feel okay. In fact, my last three relationships (two lasted five months, one ten) felt that way, and I just kept thinking "maybe it's fine, maybe I'll adjust. That didn't feel good but maybe it's me."

I mean, in the end it WAS me, but it was my needs not bring met. Listen to your instinct.

18 6Rating: +12

Whelp

Dec 11, 2018 at 2:50am

Sometimes I feel insecure in a relationship. This happens when I'm not getting the affirmation that I'm accustomed to. Sometimes it's because they're not very interested in me, sometimes it's because they're not an affectionate person.

Generally this type of situation does not improve. Talk it over, see how it goes. You might need to find ways of finding peace or recognize the parts of the relationship that make it work for you. They might (probably won't) be able to help you feel better. Then if it's still an issue, get out!

Whatever you do, do NOT procreate or get married with the expectation that things will improve. They won't and you'll be more stuck.

18 7Rating: +11

Reality

Dec 11, 2018 at 7:58am

There are no guarantees or fairytales in life or romance. Enjoy each day with them !! Take things as they come. Do not think any further ahead. If you truly enjoy spending time with them, things will fall in place. Anything else is a waste of time.

9 8Rating: +1

Red flag

Dec 11, 2018 at 9:17am

Having a sense that things aren’t quite right is your gut instinct trying to tell you something. In my experience it’s always been right, and when I’ve ignored it I’ve ended up seriously regretting it later.

24 5Rating: +19

Gut thinkers

Dec 11, 2018 at 12:35pm

Famously, George Bush (the younger), Donald Trump, Rush Limbaugh...
Lots of people are like that, thus why Trump is president. Not exactly exalted company, more like "don't be that guy".
Arguably, today's neurotic society is the result of obsession with gut thinking and the urge to feel safe.
In a world that chenges ever faster, any safety or comfort zones are very temporary, if not altogether illusory.
I'm cerebral to a fault. People who function mostly on emotional response (the majority) come off as adolescent. Does anyone ever leave high school anymore?

I've come to the conclusion that I'm the problem. So, there's that.

5 14Rating: -9

@gut thinkers

Dec 11, 2018 at 5:32pm

Wrong! Paying attention to your gut instincts isn’t at all the same thing as being emotional. It’s simply listening to a very important instinct that all animals have, including humans. It’s there to guide us away from situations that may be harmful to us. Furthermore, please don’t disparage emotions either, because as humans we have those for a reason also. Instinct and emotions are the only things that truly separate us from machines.

18 4Rating: +14

Gut thinkers

Dec 11, 2018 at 9:25pm

@gutthinkers
Do you always open with something adversarial and likely to antagonize the other person? Really, when was the last time that opening with "wrong!" produced a helpful or harmonious outcome for you?
Absurdly tone-deaf response coming from someone who advocates emotional sensitivity.
... But considering the votes, I am indeed the one who's wrong here. Thus why I've concluded that I'm the problem. And why this culture is no place for personalities like mine.
Same with the US.
Leaving soon.

5 11Rating: -6

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