How to ask a man out

In today’s dating environment, you may have found that man are reluctant to approach women since an unwanted advance (ie the woman does not wish to date the man) might be perceived as threatening. Setting aside the question of whether this is a valid fear, it is obvious that in such a climate women will need to approach men they would wish to date. However, I’ve realised that women have no idea how to ask a man out. Hinting that they would like the man to ask them out by sending a friend request on Facebook or commenting positively on an Instagram post is usually seen by men as just a friend request or a positive comment and not loaded with hidden wishes for romantic engagement. You have to be more direct If not already engaged in conversation, start with a greeting (“hi” or “hello” will suffice). Follow this up with “I was wondering if you would like to go for” and then suggest an activity which would allow the both of you to spend a while engaged in quiet, one-on-one conversation. Often, this could be “a coffee” (this implies any beverage that can be purchased at the average cafe), “lunch”, “dinner”, “a walk”. Then finish with “with me”. Given that they’ve probably heard this exactly zero times from a woman in their life, they might be surprised and feel the need to confirm that you are asking them out. Just say “yes”. That’s it. The rest should follow naturally. Either they will accept and an exchange of contact information will occur followed by picking a date and time. Or they may graciously decline. Usually, they will feel the need to cite a reason such as an existing romantic partner or preference for a different gender. This is done because they realise that a flat refusal can be damaging to one’s ego. It is very rare that they might not be gracious in their refusal but they will NOTthreaten violence (either by themselves, a male colleague, or bar security staff), insult your appearance, or feel the need to share negative preconceptions with you. Thank you for reading and looking forward to a happier, more open, more egalitarian dating climate.


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Feb 22, 2019 at 2:30pm

I’ve been doing this my whole life. I never understood why people thought I was so weird.

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Feb 22, 2019 at 3:01pm

just do not forget the old adage...beware of a woman scorned.

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Feb 22, 2019 at 6:14pm

Hell truly hath no fury like it

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Feb 22, 2019 at 7:10pm

Really? Shouldn’t you be reminding men of that one too? How many guys have been guilty of using offensive responses to a “no” such as this special one : “No problem. I was just going to take a dump anyway.” ? Yah, that’s right. As if scorning a man is easy on us women! We get called frigid, c***, bitch, ....pick one. I’ve been experiencing that since I was 13, when I wasn’t responding to advances the way they wanted me to. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and grow the hell up.

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to the good guys

Feb 22, 2019 at 9:52pm

who want to know when a woman is interested
learn body language!

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Feb 23, 2019 at 12:10am

Happy wife happy life!

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Even if

Feb 23, 2019 at 9:14am

Even if he does insult your appearance, at least it marks the end of the interaction. When this one guy called me "disgusting", that was my cue to hide myself in the crowd of people and avoid him.

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Feb 23, 2019 at 10:20am

Did you hear some words you didn't like? Awe, you poor thing! Just remember "the sun will come up, tomorow"

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Feb 23, 2019 at 1:19pm

I can't read bad writing so didn't bother with this one.

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Feb 23, 2019 at 2:59pm

men could expect a prison term for merely saying 'Hi' to the wrong woman.

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