Kindness is sometimes overrated

Not sure how many people would do this but I lent someone almost $1000 because she was a friend and she was supposed to help me by doing chores around my home but she pretended she did not know how to do the work or even learn how to do it as though she had psychological problems doing the work. I had to pay someone else to do the work finally but meanwhile she was coming by visiting as if she was doing me a favor with her company. She prides herself on being a self taught expert in various topics but she fails miserably to convince anyone but her most loyal buddies that she has anything interesting to say either in print or in person. Not much talent and as it turns out not much aptitude for anything but taking money from others. I really know how to pick 'em ...

12 Comments

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Samson

Feb 21, 2019 at 11:12am

Sounds you "donated" the money to her....

11 4Rating: +7

Double or nothing

Feb 21, 2019 at 11:23am

Well, more accurately, double and nothing.
Last year, I lent $2000 to a couple that was days from being evicted. And their lease was going to be terminated anyway in a few months because the landlord sold the house. Which means they'd have to find a place and pay a deposit and a pet deposit (they have dogs) and moving expenses and etcetera...
So I'm unlikely to ever see that money again. Which I told them when I "lent" it.
I'm sure they mean well. But they're in suboptimal health and not highly qualified. What the banks would consider a stratospheric credit risk.

Do things because you can and want to, not because you expect reciprocity. That's an unreasonable expectation. Especially here, and in this entitled age, where reciprocity is most definitely an exception, and the notion of duty is...quaint.
That said, sorry you got used. It always sucks when that happens.

18 8Rating: +10

Kindness

Feb 21, 2019 at 11:47am

Kindness is a wonderful quality and becoming rare these days. You were a kind friend. I personally never expect to receive anything back I borrow. There are many evil people in the world. Do not blame yourself because they are evil.

12 6Rating: +6

i've been on both sides of the equation

Feb 21, 2019 at 12:59pm

in my unconscious youth i didn't know better & hurt some people ... now i try to help all i can but take the proverb to heart: "don't cast your pearls to swine" as there r so many in need ... i try to discern where my efforts will be of most help & when possible ... spark the multiplier affect of those who are helped going on to help many.

6 4Rating: +2

Seen it

Feb 21, 2019 at 1:04pm

When I lend money I don't usually expect anything in return. It does annoy me when people keep promising to repay it and never do. I lent one guy 200 dollars a long time ago. Every so often I would see him and he would promise to pay it back. We lost touch, I never really cared about the money, but sometimes we would cross paths and it would be the first thing he would mention when he saw me. Ten years later (No joke) his girlfriend at the time insisted he pay me back. He gave me 150 dollars, which was fine, I was so done with it and him by then. Freeloaders with a conscience, gotta love em'.

12 6Rating: +6

Anonymous

Feb 21, 2019 at 1:12pm

dodged someone like this recently. don't lend money u can't afford to lose.

12 3Rating: +9

Three Words

Feb 21, 2019 at 1:19pm

That you can at least try: small claims court.

3 5Rating: -2

Don't blame yourself for kindness

Feb 21, 2019 at 1:31pm

In the future, know that you can be kind yet have boundaries. You're worth that.
But (heaven forbid!) next time...if ever you find yourself in a similar situation... draw up the details of any "help" like this (how much for how long until expected repayment) in writing so you can take more professional measures to reclaim your kind gesture should things go awry.

10 3Rating: +7

That sucks

Feb 21, 2019 at 2:57pm

I disagree with the comment saying you should only lend if you don’t expect them to pay it back. That only applies if you make that clear when you lend it. Otherwise it’s a loan and that’s that. I’ve done so much lending to friends and family in my lifetime, and have only been paid back about 30% of the time. I’m no longer in a position to do that because I’m retired on a small budget, and some of those people are living much more comfortably than me. They’re still working, enjoying vacations, etc. They still don’t think they need to pay me back, and it’s not something that sits well with me at all.

11 3Rating: +8

Iggy

Feb 21, 2019 at 4:48pm

You lent a “friend” money, but the way you describe her doesn’t sound like a friend, you sure know how to pick them.

8 3Rating: +5

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