Not Love

My best friend is dating an absolute jerk. He told her he would break up with her if she didn't cut her hair the way he likes. He won't go out with her unless her clothes meet his approval. He is really rude to her and constantly puts her down. She's in tears every night because of this jerk. He's just breaking her down everyday and she won't listen to anyone because she thinks this is love but its not because she deserves so much better.

10 Comments

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I guess...

Feb 15, 2019 at 11:16am

... her personality detector is broken. How does this happen to women? I'm ugly. I'd be very grateful if any woman would spend any time with me, I wouldn't care how she cut her hair, but I know women don't like ugly men, and I know that they really don't find submissive men attractive, except in provider roles, and I don't make enough money to be her provider, certainly not in Vancouver.

if it helps, this is how my mom treated me, she controlled what I wore, how I cut my hair, when I went out, where I went, etc. She would tell me I had to do housework because that's how she knew I "loved" her.

I once had dinner with a couple of psychologists after a conference, one male and one female. I described the behavior of my mother, which happened to be the behavior of an ex girlfriend I'd been with, and the male psychologist's comment was "isn't that what mom does and what married life is like?" The woman just looked at me, and at him, and was like "what the fuck is wrong with this guy?"

So, he probably learned these habits from his mom. If you love mommy, she can tell you when to cut your hair, you know, because mommy's opinion is more important than your own, she doesn't want how you look to reflect poorly on you, and that's what life is all about, right?

10 6Rating: +4

Anonymous

Feb 15, 2019 at 11:22am

That's life.

Are you sure you don't fancy him for yourself?

5 13Rating: -8

Reversal...

Feb 15, 2019 at 11:22am

of gender roles is not all it's cracked up to be...hey ?

7 10Rating: -3

Fly soup

Feb 15, 2019 at 11:28am

We all get the love we think we deserve.
It's a belief, like how the Earth is flat (it's not).
Beliefs are not just proof against facts, they're reinforced by the counterfactual. There's data on this.
It takes an epiphany to break out of this pattern. Like waking up from a dream, but in a "well, duh" sort of way.
You just chip away at the delusion and hope it will be enough. And try to stay in and still be a friend, which is the hard part. Good luck.

10 3Rating: +7

Canadian eh

Feb 15, 2019 at 11:36am

Sounds like my ex
It started with that skirt doesnt flatter your figure try this instead. I thought wow hes like a best friend giving advice.. How sweet.
4 years 11 months later i left.. And i was charged with domestic violence LoL. Its been a long time and may friends like you gave me the advice and i too didnt listen..i lost many good friends like you. Dont burn yourself out because oneday sh will call you and need you to be there for her when it matters most.. When she leaves him. God bless you good friend this is all a lesson she can only learn herself.

12 1Rating: +11

No sympathy here.

Feb 15, 2019 at 11:50am

If she puts up with it, then she deserves it for being as weak as she is.

8 14Rating: -6

U can not help

Feb 15, 2019 at 12:38pm

Someone who is too stupid to help herself. ......

4 12Rating: -8

Sounds like me

Feb 15, 2019 at 1:30pm

Except I stopped caring and don’t see him anymore. Guys like that can fuck off.

15 2Rating: +13

Self-love

Feb 15, 2019 at 2:28pm

Sounds like the guy found a nesting spot in her low self-esteem. Be a good friend and bite your tongue. Only she can dig herself outta this dark hole. She needs to love herself. Not even a Best Friend can teach her how to do that. No point of judging her at this point. Best thing you can do for her is set some good examples and hope that she can start emulating your better habits instead. This girl needs a big hug when the shitty relationship finally comes to an end.

13 1Rating: +12

Where is my comment on here?

Feb 16, 2019 at 2:24pm

It was good advice and heartfelt. What is going on monitor? Please post it.

1 2Rating: -1

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