Did I make a terrible mistake?

I confess that I'm tortured by thoughts that a decision I made last year to end a relationship with someone that I really loved, may have been a mistake. I had good reasons, but after so much time passing and my feelings not getting any less strong, I keep wondering if I acted too quickly. Maybe I could have waited until we could see each other in person so that we could have talked face to face about the big argument. Maybe my illness clouded my judgement and made me act impulsively. I did reach out once, but was met with so much anger and so many terrible things said, that I haven't tried again. My life was always difficult with him, because he was controlling and I was tough. We had many, many big arguments. I'd get fed up and end it, but we'd keep finding each other again. I know that life with him isn't perfect (and I never expected it to be because I'm not perfect by any means), but without him I'm just not functioning. I feel this massive void and I've lost interest in most things. Anyway, I thank you for listening. I guess I just have to live with the consequences of a decision made in haste.

16 Comments

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Eh?

Mar 20, 2019 at 2:35pm

So you broke up with him, not in person.
And it took you a year to rethink it.
You were "tough". Usually when someone says that, it's delicately put.

I would speak in person if asked, but I'm not a normal dude. My tolerance for pain is very high, as is my in-person level of civility (online, not so much because bandwidth-limited).
That being said...if it takes you this long to conclude that something you did was very possibly a mistake, I question your judgment. I avoid people like that.
And if your illness is to blame, that just makes the wreck likely to happen again and be justified away.

12 8Rating: +4

Sis

Mar 20, 2019 at 3:05pm

In the same place as you. It will pass.

17 3Rating: +14

maybe you didn't

Mar 20, 2019 at 3:06pm

perhaps it's just taking longer to fall out of love than you'd like

20 2Rating: +18

Oh dear

Mar 20, 2019 at 7:23pm

I know someone who ended a toxic relationship. then the guys was like "i'm going to change" and that he did. Of course he did! He needed to get her back under control. We all know he'll revert within the year and she will be back to the same old relationship. Sad state of affairs. Move on please

11 6Rating: +5

Or maybe

Mar 21, 2019 at 6:44am

Maybe give it one more try. Face to face this time, though, okay? You have nothing to lose if you try ( you have a 50 50 chance at least ) but you will definitely lose if you give up now. And he's waiting. I think he realizes that he messed up too, and is afraid to reach out because he thinks you don't want him anymore.
Prove him wrong.

11 6Rating: +5

Hmmmm

Mar 21, 2019 at 9:20am

Guys in general just don't like drama. And you seem to bring it.

9 10Rating: -1

@eh

Mar 21, 2019 at 10:30am

People get sick all the time. I said I had reached out and I didn’t say it was a year ago, I said it was last year. It’s only March. I said I was tough but I also said he was controlling. My being tough was because I was always fighting attempts to control me. I said I had reasons. I did. The fact that I still love him is my problem, but since he’s not interested in talking then I’m just going to have to deal with it. This forum is called Confessions and that’s what I did. I confessed to having mixed emotions about a decision made during a big argument. Arguments involve TWO people, and he was every bit as involved in what happened as I was. So thanks for your perspective, but you should know the facts before you decide.

11 5Rating: +6

Fishing

Mar 21, 2019 at 11:02am

Eyes forward. Don't let yourself go backwards. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and they won't come with this much baggage. Time to move on, cut the cord and let him go.

10 3Rating: +7

Eh?

Mar 21, 2019 at 2:30pm

Decisions made during arguments are hardly ever good. Most often, they're incredibly sh*tty.
The time to clean that up is immediately - the longer it sits, the more toxic it gets.
Maybe not for you or for women in general, but I feel comfortable saying that's true for most dudes. We (mostly) don't multitask. Our tendency to obsess about things where we're emotionally invested, very quickly poisons any unresolved situations. The mind won't let go. It gnaws on stuff and grows bitter. Probably one of the reasons why we die sooner, too.
Communication style is another problem.
Countless times have I seen dudes say "JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT", with nothing to show for it on the other side... If you want to talk to someone and the problem has been allowed to fester, best to skip everything including courtesies and open with:
"Need to speak in person and clear things up."

Or, you know, not. Got no skin in this game. Whatever works for you.

9 5Rating: +4

God I hope your

Mar 21, 2019 at 2:56pm

Not like the woman I loved that when I tried to say I need to speak to you. Well she talked yelled rather"how dare I . who do I think I am. We are not couple we will never be a couple blah it hurt so fucking bad It was .. well i was too scraed to even think of trying a third time.

3 5Rating: -2

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