I’m a mum. I work hard to take care of my 2 children (3.5 + 5), but I would never say I work as hard as my spouse who puts in 10 hour days, every day, and who unlike me doesn’t have the privilege of going to the park, on coffee dates, watching TV, Granville island and playing games with the kids. He just powers through every day! And that allows us (me and kids) to do the nice things listed. Every day.

Of course cooking and cleaning is a chore. But don’t conflate that with a salaried job. They are not the same and are not on the same playing field. He would looooove to kick a ball with our 5 year old every afternoon like I do!

Finally someone on here who gets it! From a mother of 4 who had to also work full time, I can say without hesitation that going to work was easier than being at home. Keeping young kids entertained is a full time job. Not to mention all the other work that stay-at-home mothers do 24/7. No time off. No “end of the day let’s relax” time. And worst of all (IMO) , is the pervasive attitude that what you’re doing has no value. That you’re enjoying some kind of vacation and you’re just laying about watching tv all day. Reality is that you’re constantly cooking, cleaning, dealing with the physical needs of your child (substantial!), and sitting down is a luxury. Not to mention that if you’re lucky enough to have a partner, you’re also expected to take care of him (or her, but let’s face it, it’s almost always a him) and his “needs” can be every bit as demanding as a child’s. I’m sure that there’s going to be tons of responses saying that they deserve it, that staying home is a picnic compared to working (for PAY!) , and that “breeders” get what they deserve. All I can say is that from someone who’s done it all, staying home was harder. At least at work I could have the occasional break!

He said his wife doesn't work. As in have an income.
And you've twisted it around to portray him in a very negative light.
Tells us a lot about you...

He clearly has no idea how much work his wife is doing. Looking after a baby and a toddler without any family support is exhausting. Hope he at least offers to make dinner or put on a load of laundry once in awhile, but probably not.

When you are parenting, you are in control of everything you do. If you don’t want to do something in particular with the kids ( no park today, etc), that’s entirely up to you. At a job where you work for someone else? Not so much. You have to do someone else’s bidding all day long. If you’re at home, yeah, the kids aren’t letting you relax and enjoy yourself, but at least you decide what you do and don’t. Yeah, I get it that you have to cook meals or provide entertainment, but it could be low quality meals or entertainment.... i’ve met 3 yr olds that are content to watch cartoons or play with an ipad... maybe not the highest quality parenting, but it’s an option. The husband doesn’t have that option.

Maybe he really loves those kids, but finds himself in a place where decisions such as the best for all, well they escape him. Probably because he feels all the resentment and angry around his wife. This sounds like a guy who loves her so much though. Why else would he reach out to another woman for help. Even though it may not seemed phrased as such men are not usually going to admit weakness so setting up a scenario where he might get help by way of crictisism seems possible. I know little of this myself I have no children(just a really cute cat) and she is my best friend so yeah pathetic i be. Try giving advice of the heart , I'll bet (if i wrong oh well you tried) he will surprise you.

I'm putting a photo of (someone else's) kids on my desk and pretending have some so I can take as much time off as those people do.

I'm a woman, tired of these clichés: "being a mom is the hardest job in the world," blah blah. Giving birth is a miracle. Taking care of another human being (whether a baby, aging parent, sick/disabled spouse) is a wonderful & unselfish act. Does it mean that everyone should devote their life to do it full time? No. They don't have to and it's not efficient. We have daycare & specialized healthcare so people can be employed, and make the best use of their time. While it is a demanding job, I doubt most people would say that daycare workers have the most difficult job in the world.

If you can afford it, sure, you can choose to stay home full time with the children. But most households can't afford to live on a single income, and most moms have no choice but to work. 1.5 & 3.5 year olds are old enough to attend daycare. Most people's maternity leave don't last that long; most people don't have grandparents to babysit the children either. My mom raised 4 children while working 2 jobs. It wasn't the best work-life balance but some women are complaining too much when things are much better, and we have so many choices today. While only a woman can give birth, child-rearing & household chores can be shared between the parents.

Not only is it important for women to contribute financially to the household but as a career woman & mom (both equally important), I believe it's important for me to have my own identity. Women who choose to have children are often criticized by childless women as having no other interests, ambitions, or personal identity than their role as a mom. While I believe being a mom or having a career is a personal choice (not necessarily right or wrong), I think we should stop pretending that being a mom is so hard that women can't pursue a career at the same time. Or that child-rearing cannot be delegated to a daycare worker, even at the expense of earning an income. Today, being a stay-at-home mom is a CHOICE, not a necessity.

You're just playing with words here. Caring for children is "work" in the sense of exerting effort but it's not "work" in the sense of wage-earning job. It's obvious that your coworker was referring to the latter. He's grateful for his high-paying job in this expensive city. Unless your coworker was belittling his wife's motherly duties (which is not how I read his comments), I think you're being overly sensitive.

He’s doesn’t know how expensive childcare is if she does decide to go back to work. I’m a stay at home mom and both my kids are is school full time, if I went back to work I’d have to find before and after care and then my kids would not be able to go to any of their after school activities. If I went back to work and my kids got sick, I’d be the default parent and have to stay home with them because my husband is in high management. And because my husband works long hours, I’d would still have to clean, do laundry, cook, grocery shop etc etc and she’s prob the one getting up at night with the kids, and can you imagine being up many times during the night and working?
This guy has no clue. I feel bad for her. She prob does twice the work he does and doesn’t get any awcknowledgment from him. It’s hard work being home with the kids....and not having any adult interaction either, it gets lonely

I don’t get a clear picture that the Father if the 2 kids was dismayed that his wife doesn’t work. I’m positive he and her know the reality that putting the two young ones in full time daycare would be $3000/month. Financially it probably makes sense that the Mother stays home to take care of them. It sounds like you made a lot of assumptions on their situation?