Still missing you.

Leaving it to you to make the first move.

13 Comments

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I....

Mar 23, 2019 at 9:26am

love you to the end of the earth....and back again.
Your move now.....

2 3Rating: -1

But I did

Mar 23, 2019 at 10:23am

Over and over. What exactly do you want for a first move when you declared to leave you alone and not phone or email you anymore?

11 2Rating: +9

Keep on missing...

Mar 23, 2019 at 12:59pm

...... and keep on waiting. Enjoy the rest of your life like that.

12 2Rating: +10

The impasse.

Mar 23, 2019 at 1:38pm

Here’s the problem. I’ve been told men who don’t make the effort are ‘just not that into you.’ So here we are. Lonely. In our heads without relief. I don’t feel wanted and your just scared and think your avoiding rejection. Muffled screams!!!

10 1Rating: +9

Ok.

Mar 23, 2019 at 1:45pm

So never, cause I may be on the wrong trail or not recognizing where or who this is or coming from. The person I would most hope it is. I can not move first, I lack a safety of feeling ok to do so. If not her than it's someone I do not know well enough to make the connection. And sorry but I'm still stuck on her and that's over from her side, I'm trying to quantify life with out the idea of finally being her one true only as the universe had intended. I guess the universe was not counting on me being me and rolling through important part like an out of control freight train. Silly universe, trusting me is for rabbits.

4 4Rating: 0

I know this isn’t you

Mar 24, 2019 at 12:23pm

But I’m done giving you chances. You’re mean and nasty and you just put everything down and complain constantly. I can’t take it anymore. If you want to fix it, fix yourself. I’ve done all the work so far for us both. I give up.

2 3Rating: -1

??

Mar 24, 2019 at 2:23pm

Where did we first meet?

1 0Rating: +1

@I know

Mar 25, 2019 at 10:55am

What work? What have you done exactly?
No, really, let's examine this bold claim because I don't want you to be seen as a liar.

Is it reaching out? The years...yes, years... that I have poured my heart out to you. I even used divination so you wouldn't have to put yourself at risk, letting you know and sharing with you your thoughts and feelings while you retained safety. I basically carried the conversation for both to protect you while keeping my promise to not abandon you. You, what, made one vague brief apology initially saying you wanted to say lots but you couldn't, leaving me hanging? Oh, or the only moments you did communicate that I can count on one hand? Rude, awful, impatient, cutting and cold. Nice. I'm supposed to be understanding, forgiving, patient, loyal. Where the hell is that from you?
I'm mean? Look at the total of everything you've ever sent me and find one compliment, one loving thought, one appreciative word.
I have been rude. I have been cutting. I also took ownership and apologized, especially when I misstepped or jumped to the wrong conclusions. Your awful unspologetic responses are whenever you are, or when you take me for granted, or when you go out of the way to undo everything with doubt, fear or sabotage when it looks like we progress. You let fear rule you.
I know it's a hard road for you. I know the hardest work is the work I'm not seeing. I know you have huge obstacles and they are huge. All I wanted was a chance to communicate more directly. It's so simple, yet you fight it, justifying it with rediculous paranoia, and declarations of finality...with alarming ease, I might add, thanks for showing how valuable I am to you...when you are asked to compromise.
You complained of being taken for granted yet when offered love you do the very thing that was done to you. Do you think, with the level of loyalty and devotion (and again, I know I have been far from ideal), that I deserve that in return? Is that how you love?
If I mistake a random mean post as coming from you, it's because you trained me. At least I'm willing to still talk, to look past it as fear helping along a bad day, to give the benefit of the doubt. And you still find it easy to ditch me...way more often than you recall. And those are the only times you've ever been generous with your words because I got nothing otherwise in print from you.

Thanks a lot.

9 0Rating: +9

Hey just in case re @I know

Mar 26, 2019 at 1:17pm

Message recieved i do not see it enirely the same way, of course that leaves doubt about its intened reciepant, if it were for me i get it.k

0 2Rating: -2

@I know. Please the place tonight, I whined of the cold...

Mar 27, 2019 at 12:06pm

You were busy finding something and told me to suck it up. I go there a lot. I always think of you. So please meet me there 11pm so that if your a no show I have time to get to a creek. OK I've missed you and of course my heart still beats to your drum. I have been filled with doubt yes can I explain that after I hear you out. That by no means is a (but) moment forecast, I just feel you understand a lot, but not all. I wish to lose my anger with complete and total honesty as you will see. For me this is a must attend. Please try and think that as well. I will not get angry or stop being of kind and loving thought if you do not show. Just of sadness and disappointment in myself for not getting it sooner. I was tricked a lot.

0 1Rating: -1

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