At war with my better self

Every day of the last six months I have been at war with myself. Every day I have to push you out of my head. Your almost black eyes full of wonder and your dark voice shivering up my spine. Every time you come into my space I have to clamp down on myself like a vice. And yes, I avoid you now. I have to. Because I’m wrecked by the effort.

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Pedantosaurus Rex

Mar 19, 2019 at 6:47pm

I dispute the use of "better self" in this context.
Better than what? Better in what way?
Seems like it would be better to dive into the pool. Not sit off to the side under a towel on a chair, and pretend that the water isn't there.

5 6Rating: -1

@PR

Mar 20, 2019 at 1:26pm

Better than presuming my feelings are reciprocated. Better than ignoring the professional risks involved for both of us if they are.

3 2Rating: +1

I'd have to agree.

Mar 20, 2019 at 2:48pm

I was really into this girl, she was younger than me. So that was an immediate obstacle of a path for which my endearing heart wished to travel. I was always telling a friend of mine, who finally convinced me to tell her. So I started writing it down, as my luck would have it she found one I had written out of frustration and a copy of what would have never been said. So after that i tried 2 to 3 times to speak to her for which I was emotionally executed. I never even came close to trying again, I was too afraid of feeling that hurt ever ever never again, honestly it would of been kinder to have cut my actual throat.

2 7Rating: -5

Don't damn me.

Mar 20, 2019 at 2:54pm

How can anyone who has been from nothing short of a total loss of truth by her inability to view the world from her actual eyes , then turn and blame me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbSXbDocPCE

2 9Rating: -7

@don’t damn me.

Mar 20, 2019 at 9:17pm

I hate GnR.

4 2Rating: +2

Good cause that

Mar 25, 2019 at 8:23pm

means you were always liar and what I was always right. Stay in one place. Move less often, you are just one soul and not two people. it can be the way it was we do not have to go to this place you think I built alone, no we built it but I miss my friend and that was the best of the times we had. I'm good with that.

2 2Rating: 0

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