I'm struggling with turning 40 this year. I've overcome a great deal of adversity since I was a child and with health issues resulting from various traumas, but it's been a very difficult journey and continues to be with many other chronic invisible health issues. (Bad genes) From the outside, you can't tell, but it's taken a very heavy toll mentally, financially (I work, but not ft, and push through symptoms to varying degrees every day), and with trusting others. I've finally gotten to a place where I have cut out toxic people, limited contact with toxic family etc. and learned to not have people take advantage of me. Trusting others especially men due to sexual abuse is very difficult. I continue to go to therapy regularly (have for years) and am diligent about my health, but it is to no avail.... My case is complicated....with my physical health issues and mental health is treatment resistant though I still try.....
Dating and finding an understanding, kind, partner has always been a struggle. I have taken long breaks after each awful thing, and not dated for 2 and a half years now, and not planning to soon. I think it's too late, and perhaps I'm too broken, and old as men typically want younger women. good, loyal, kind, compatible partners are few and far between. I'm thankful for the few I've met that were in my life in my past albeit a long time ago, but I'm human and we all want to find love and a connection with someone.
Friends are kind, and say what a kind, strong person I am, but survival mode is all I've ever known. people from every walk of life, age, gender, and disabilities find love, but it's hard for me to see. Especially as I'm just not ready for it yet, and not trying. will I ever be? It's different as a woman, especially a single woman from my culture. I always held out for the foolish idea of love, but feel it's for other people.
I just take things one at a time, continue to see specialists, doctors and get no respite from my mental and physical health issues. Without happiness and health, what does one have? It's a painful existence, especially keeping up a facade being in such pain. (Mentally and physically)
My friends want to do something for me, and I just don't want to celebrate, but they said they would. So on a different note, how would you celebrate something you don't want to acknowledge?
Not in a good headspace, so please be respectful and tactful with your replies. Thanks
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