Forgiveness in waves

My husband cheated on me. I forgave him after months of emasculating punishment. But I have a hard time now and then believing that he is changed. It wasn’t a storybook romance kind of affair. He didn’t accidentally fall for his coworker. He didn’t get too drunk one night and clumsily smooch a friend. He deliberately joined dating sites and cruised multiple women for months, maybe years. How can I trust that he won’t donit again? He was so good at lying!

20 Comments

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Divorce him

Apr 23, 2019 at 9:22am

This is the pattern of a narcissist.

34 2Rating: +32

co workers

Apr 23, 2019 at 9:50am

I think far too many people over embellish what they perceive as emotional cheating with co workers.

I love my job and my profession and it shows on a daily basis when I go to work. my ex could not for a second ever come down from the notion that its not emotional cheating when you are happy at your profession.

I'm sorry your partner joined a dating site. That is a wandering eye.

7 13Rating: -6

In the immortal words of Dan Savage

Apr 23, 2019 at 9:54am

DTMFA!

33 1Rating: +32

It's your choice

Apr 23, 2019 at 10:27am

So now you can either choose to change the situation or stay the same. Why was he looking? Are you both satisfied sexually? Does he want an open relationship? What are your boundaries? If you stay, don't torture both of you with your trust issues. If you go, make sure you've given him the opportunity to change. Ultimately you cannot control other people and you have to take your own direction.

26 2Rating: +24

have you gone to counselling?

Apr 23, 2019 at 11:16am

you will both need to go (and participate!) if you really want to heal and move past the pain

11 6Rating: +5

Simple Answer

Apr 23, 2019 at 11:59am

You can't trust them not to do it again. You can trust them to become more sneaky at it.

37 3Rating: +34

DTMFA

Apr 23, 2019 at 12:49pm

Perfect!

21 2Rating: +19

Is there....

Apr 23, 2019 at 1:08pm

something lacking in your marital sex life that drove him to seek it elsewhere or is he just a douche bag ?

15 6Rating: +9

you want to solve it?

Apr 23, 2019 at 4:00pm

Do you?
Take a lover.
Partly for the enjoyment but mostly so that you can equal the moral level between you.
No relationship is worth the punishment you have been -- quite rightly, most would say -- inflicting on him, from your insurmountable moral vantage.
How can he look at you with love, when his whole being is in a cringing state of embarassment? How can you help but hold him in withering contempt?

5 11Rating: -6

maybe emasculating

Apr 23, 2019 at 9:16pm

him in the first place lead to his cheating?? just a thought.

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