I am unable to read or connect with people

I'm pretty sure I'm borderline on-spectrum. I can barely start and can't maintain a relationship to save my life because I have no idea what anyone's intentions and reactions are, and can't express myself in a clear manner. Does someone have genuine interest in me? Romantically? For Friendship? To use me and feed their own ego? Fucked if I know. So I either sit and wait and pray for some clear sign, hoping that they'll make some first move (surprise! women HATE to make the first move and most refuse to do so!) and things just die, or I try to make an effort that apparently just becomes too much because I can't read how they react and I'm never told what they REALLY want. I'm too accommodating. Too forward. Too sweet. Too intense. Not intense enough. Too open. Too closed. Too amazing. Too everything and not enough everything all at the same time. I know I don't deserve happiness because any time I think I might be I'll just ruin it anyways. Self cock block. This is my confession: I'm done. bye.

13 Comments

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Julius

Apr 25, 2019 at 11:54am

Kind of the norm these days...don't sweat it.

22 4Rating: +18

Perspective

Apr 25, 2019 at 12:21pm

Congratulations on living in a matrix to believe institutional certificates alone is your key to success. Ya I got duped into the same hoax with a
business degree that goes knowhere until I woke up and actually tuned in by doing the actual business and most importantly of all that they can never teach in institutions is networking and I don't mean online - actually cold facing real life people who may take you on your true journey. Good luck and Keep sucking up to institutes and see how far you'll be used.

5 17Rating: -12

Welcome to the

Apr 25, 2019 at 12:38pm

world of trying to understand women. :^)

Best you can do is talk, and ask the questions you are curious about. Doesn't mean you'll get a straight answer but it might be helpful.

14 6Rating: +8

@perspective

Apr 25, 2019 at 2:51pm

I think you may have answered the wrong confession, this looks like a comment that would be put down for the previous one

9 6Rating: +3

Not sure

Apr 25, 2019 at 2:57pm

... if you're on the spectrum based on self diagnosis. As a woman, I'm often socially awkward as well. There are people out there who are just as awkward as you are, and would be happy to talk to you. You could also date someone on the spectrum.

19 4Rating: +15

Savant

Apr 25, 2019 at 4:08pm

Both my housemate and I are on the spectrum, thus why we get on well together. It's been a couple of years.
We laugh a lot at the drama of the normies around us, and in our families. Utterly absurd to someone with our neurochemical (dys)function. It does lend itself to a serene existence, if you find the right company. Ironically, most people who know us, think we're both super-high-functioning, extremely stable and very intellectually gifted.
I've self-medicated for many years, and she got a formal ADHD diagnosis to get stims for school (she's an "adult learner" - as if there is another kind, heh). You do what you must.

I'll say this about all that - sometimes the thing you seek, finds you. Good luck.

19 9Rating: +10

Hey OP

Apr 25, 2019 at 6:43pm

Don't worry about what other people may or may not think. The only one you need to figure out and impress is YOU.
Focus on keeping yourself happy and healthy,everyone else can go rot.

24 5Rating: +19

Too fucking reverse

Apr 25, 2019 at 8:32pm

I'd say your ass is backwards and/or upside down. That is to say you'd scream (no quite about you I think you maybe going deaf also, sorry to be the baring of tidy's of shit) but in reverse, not the way us the rest of humanity hear shit. For example should you be say yelling "never fucking ever will you and I be anything other than friends and we are barely even that Eww GROSS!" The person you saying that to would not be able to determine that what you meant. Now they'd WOULD NOT KNOW YOU MEANT "omg I think your a tasty mc nugget I'd like to dip you in a Delicious sauce have some num num's and take care of an itch I've been unable to scratch for a bit Then take your cute ass home bean pole, for sex and breakfast!" So ya know what you could once again try using your words little fella/fellette and say "Yo you there I think your totally desirable wanna knock boots with me a bit ;-)" Juwst saying is all!

6 13Rating: -7

I don’t think you’re on the spectrum

Apr 25, 2019 at 11:57pm

I would think this is how it is for most men

14 7Rating: +7

Salacia

Apr 26, 2019 at 12:32am

Dearest OP, you are so not alone! I’m neurotypical and I can read and connect to people. I’m fact I do it for a living; however, I am totally unable to read romantic intentions and, worse, when a man expresses romantic intention towards me my automatic reaction is total denial. I run in terror in the opposite direction, rejecting the man. Also, the more I like him, the stronger my rejection. It’s horrible.

It sucks to not be able to read the signs, to know the intentions of someone you like and whether they’re platonic or not. But please don’t give up trying! Life with someone else in it opens up experiences and meaning you will never have alone. It’s worth the effort to try to find a way to communicate better.

I'm trying to learn to say that I can’t read the signs and that I need the man to please tell me how he feels about me honestly. No games, just truth. It’s terrifying to say that to a man. But I’ve decided for myself that if I say that to a man and he runs, then he wasn’t for me anyway.

You deserve someone who takes the time to get to know and accept you for who you are, forward, sweet, intense, etc. Have patience and keep communicating. She’s out there. Probably also trying to figure out how to communicate better.

13 8Rating: +5

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