I'm pretty sure I'm borderline on-spectrum. I can barely start and can't maintain a relationship to save my life because I have no idea what anyone's intentions and reactions are, and can't express myself in a clear manner. Does someone have genuine interest in me? Romantically? For Friendship? To use me and feed their own ego? Fucked if I know.
So I either sit and wait and pray for some clear sign, hoping that they'll make some first move (surprise! women HATE to make the first move and most refuse to do so!) and things just die, or I try to make an effort that apparently just becomes too much because I can't read how they react and I'm never told what they REALLY want. I'm too accommodating. Too forward. Too sweet. Too intense. Not intense enough. Too open. Too closed. Too amazing. Too everything and not enough everything all at the same time.
I know I don't deserve happiness because any time I think I might be I'll just ruin it anyways. Self cock block.
This is my confession: I'm done. bye.
The Georgia Straight: A 50th Anniversary Celebration Book
This beautifully produced coffee-table book brings together over 100 of Georgia Straight's iconic covers, along with short essays, insider details and contributor reflections, putting each of these issues of the publication into its historical context.