I check his social media accounts daily. I can see what he's doing, where and with who. I fell in love with him over 18 years ago when I was just a teenager. Our attempts at being together never seemed to line up because of misunderstandings or relationships. He still sees me from time to time, even though he has a girlfriend, even though I have a boyfriend. I know you'll tell me that I should stop seeing him, forget about him and move on. But I can't. Emotionally, physically, mentally I can't let go. I know you'll tell me how terrible of a person I am for what I'm doing. But I don't have the conscience to stop. I've tried the open relationship idea, but it's not for everyone and that's fair. For now all I can do is keep my head down, exercise, work, eat, sleep, repeat. But I know that if I keep going like this, I will regret it. I already do.