In Love, if only....

If you are changing me under the name of growth or anything else it's not welcome. If I need to change to set the world right for you then we are not right together. I had to confess, because if another guy friend or girl friend gives me this story I am going to seek painkillers.

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People Should Change

Apr 19, 2019 at 11:32am

Not change your personality or be someone to fit with another but people need to grow and seek out new possibilities for themselves. If we all stayed the way we were when we were a teenager this world would be a worse place than it already is, socially.

9 5Rating: +4

Changes

Apr 19, 2019 at 12:03pm

All those cliche sayings about change like "change comes from within" or "you can't change other people" are somewhat true. If you don't want to change and you accept yourself the way you are, or even if you don't, then it is unwarranted for someone to try to help alter who you are. However, the way you wrote "if you are changing me..." sounds like you have consciously or subconsciously been following someones terms on how you should behave.
If you ask someone for advice or if you come to them with your issues then it is solicited but otherwise you are correct, people pushing who you should be is unwelcome and potentially abusive. Tell them to their face if it feels possible and draw the line within yourself. If they are a kind person at heart they will take tactful communication well. If they are not a self aware person, they won't.

7 3Rating: +4

Well shit

Apr 19, 2019 at 2:39pm

If this person your talking about is truly up to this then it's time to say it face to face or move on. Cause your right people you love and that love you take us the good and the bad. Doesn't mean change won't come on it's own ya know.

4 6Rating: -2

God made me the boss. Get over it.

Apr 19, 2019 at 3:25pm

I don't need to change you. I don't need you to change me either. I don't need you for anything. I don't need you in my life at all. I do my own growing, and I do my own changing. If you were anything close to being right for me, you would understand this, and you would be doing the same for yourself. You either want it or you don't. If you don't, then don't come around me looking for it. Don't make it your business to waste my time.

8 6Rating: +2

Change, as they say...

Apr 19, 2019 at 7:41pm

...is inevitable. The myth that we are all supposed to just “accept others exactly as they are” or that means that we don’t love them, is just that; a myth. If you’re talking about romantic intimate relationships, then of course it’s normal to expect both people to learn to compromise with the other. Does that mean change? I think so. It means that you’re willing to make some changes in your own behaviour and possibly your thought processes in order to be with someone else. Should you have to entirely change who you are? Absolutely not. But definitely some changes are beneficial, and anyone who still thinks “they have to accept me exactly as I am or nothing”, had either be the most amazingly perfect person who ever lived, or be prepared to be alone.

10 3Rating: +7

@God made me... See this is why

Apr 20, 2019 at 10:49am

I can not come around you at times, is this truth how you feel that your the fucking boss and all others should kneel please tell your not that. I could take not having you, but this bullshit would say I was so wrong about someone I love so much wtf I'll never get an honest answer. Oh and btw I didn't even write this!

6 10Rating: -4

@God made me... See this is why

Apr 20, 2019 at 3:49pm

It is the truth of God's word written in Genesis. God made the man the boss. "He (the man) will rule over you (the woman)" because it is was the desire of the woman to rule over the man. In the Garden of Eden, man and woman were independently equal to one another. There was no life threatening danger, and all provision was provided in the garden, but when the fall happened things changed. Life threatening danger, and lack of provision was all around. Survival, hunting, fighting, warring, raiding, and protecting etc. it all fell to the man. The man protects because that is what he was physically designed for, and the woman nurtures because that is what she was physically designed for. Both roles are necessary, and both are of equal importance, and value but the man calls the shots at sustaining life, and takes all the risks associated with it. In modern society, we are much as we were in the Garden, where we can obtain provisioning by simply going to a store, or to the many social service programs out there, but civilization comes and goes, and it back to square one... Survival, hunting, fighting, warring, raiding, and protecting etc. A man can survive on his own, and even better on his own. A woman cannot. I never made the rules. I never designed the world. It just is what it is. I'm the man. I lead, and you the woman, follow.

5 8Rating: -3

OP

Apr 20, 2019 at 8:36pm

Some really good points. I don't think there is any way that people don't change, incrementally no doubt, but we all change. The problems begin though when it's someone other than the individual directing that change.

This is not about "compromise". People compromise all the time, none of us are alike and to live either together, or proximally requires we adjust to others. It's a given really, at least to anyone who has ever lived with someone or worked in a team. I am fine with necessary compromises. I don't believe in keeping a scorecard on them either.

However, as soon as person X is not quite right for me because of behavior Y then it's time to get out. For example: I am a highly ambitious person. My goals are well known and I am driven toward them. Anyone that knows me knows this is not something tacked on or superficial. It, at the core, is who I am. In relationships though, it's not long before the situation sets up as "you like doing this more than spending time with me" or similar. I did not write about me personally, I am just tired of hearing the scenario. And in some form or other I think I have heard all of them. We all go through life on our path, those paths cross and enrich as a result. No one though, should be pulling others off of their own path. If you are with a person accept them or move along. Fundemental things, not "you forgot to take out the garbage" things.

3 6Rating: -3

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