Ownership.

When I was 20 and saw a couple I would be sad and think: Wow! How come I cannot get one? Now that I am 40 (and had a few failed relationships) I see couples and it is disturbing to me. It just screams out: Hand Off! I OWN HER SHE OWNS HIM. Fuck all that bullshit. I wish we lived in a world where we could all fuck each other and not have all this ownership crap. He cannot talk to other women she cannot look at other guys. We have been bought and sold that relationships and marriages last forever and fuck off cause most of them do not. It would be great to live in A Brave New World (minus the poor area in the novel) That is my confession.

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Anonymous

Apr 26, 2019 at 8:33am

Speaking as a married man you appear to already be living in that world.

I on the other hand have the same wife day in, and year out.

Of course I like it that way, because we're living and growing together despite the fact we have a fairly juvenile level relationship lol

25 8Rating: +17

That's just you

Apr 26, 2019 at 9:17am

For the couples, they are each other support in a tough world and plenty of them (& not just the women) aren't interested in being able to fuck other people. They're interested in all the ways they can make their partner happy.

Reprobate

Apr 26, 2019 at 11:04am

I can see why you've only failed at your relationships. You think every woman should be open to service you for your own meaningless sexual gratification.

Huh?

Apr 26, 2019 at 1:17pm

That doesn’t work for everyone. Clearly you haven’t learned anything.

You get used to it, sort of

Apr 26, 2019 at 1:24pm

Possession and transaction are the way English handles relationships (and, really, everything else). People mostly think in the terms of their primary language.
Just look at all the stuff expressed as giving, getting, having, lacking, wanting (love, sex, kink, affection, etcetera)... Even doing things for others, which assumes they do the value equivalent for you, is transactional.
Maturity requires one to graduate past that balance-sheet, territorial mentality. It's the Zen detachment from outcomes, the idea of being/doing (or not being/doing) because that is what one judges to be the right way (for oneself only). A focus on the process and not the goal, being without attaining. Many humans don't ever make it to that point.
The opposite of how we do things here, by definition. A functional and philosophical antithesis of capitalism, materialism, progress, etcetera. About as popular almost everywhere as month-old roadkill.
Except for places where they really, really like roadkill, obviously.

We're not prairie voles. Pair-bonding for life is not our biological destiny. But people are usually not secure enough to even consider any alternative.
Maybe in 50 or 100 years, if then...

Anonymous

Apr 26, 2019 at 1:51pm

"We're not prairie voles. Pair-bonding for life is not our biological destiny. But people are usually not secure enough to even consider any alternative.
Maybe in 50 or 100 years, if then..."

My Dad must have been ahead of his time when he broke up his family to run off with the office whore.

So sad for you

Apr 26, 2019 at 2:13pm

It must be awful to have so much rage inside you. Your excessive negativity is more than likely a big cause of those failed relationships. Obviously it’s escaped you that humans, like most other mammals on the planet, need the companionship of others of their kind, for more than just sex. It’s entirely normal to become emotionally attached to your partner and therefore to not want them to be with other people. There are a few people who claim to be fine with open relationships, but from all of the anecdotal information I’ve read, the majority of those relationships don’t work out. Not to mention the issue of having to share the bodily fluids of the other people that your sexual partner chooses to have sex with. If we were all just having sex with everyone all the time, can you imagine all the diseases and fatherless children there would be? Like we don’t already have enough of both.

It's not Ownership...

Apr 26, 2019 at 3:40pm

... it is Partnership. Obviously, you have no idea what being a good partner is. Nobody can force anybody to make commitments: they make it of their own free will. You're free to f*ck as many people as you like. Nobody prevents you from doing just that. But you don't get to tell other people how they should live their life. Some people only want sex with someone they know and love, and aren't interested in hooking up with random strangers. You sound jealous because you think you can't have sex with someone who's already taken. Guess what? Even if these people were single, it is very likely that they still wouldn't want to have sex with you. You're not entitled to sex with someone just because they're available.

27 5Rating: +22

You get used to it, sort of

Apr 26, 2019 at 5:37pm

@anonymous apr 26 1.51pm
My family was also full of dysfunction and infidelity (and even occasional violence). But sadly, not enough divorce (staying together "for the kids" is bullsh*t). And my ex slept with another, a few years into the marriage. And then some years later when it suited her argument, she loudly and righteously proclaimed her absolute devotion to "the sanctity of marriage". Which definitely checks the self-righteous hypocrisy box.
So I'm uniquely well-qualified to answer your offering. Such as it is.
That is a flimsy straw-man argument, with only a very distant connection to either my comment or the original post.
So, onward.
1. Monogamous marriage is only one of many family forms used by humans over the millennia. Therefore, it is obviously NOT THE ONE TRUE WAY. And also, increasingly economically unfeasible, at least for the lower-income 90 percent in the developed world.
2. Infidelity is rife at 50+ percent, a historically durable figure. Which makes absolute, lifelong fidelity the exception, not the norm. That's just a mathematical fact. Wishful thinking doesn't change it.
3. Commitments (to offspring, for example) are best kept by people who are good at keeping commitments. Some other people suck at this. There's nothing else to that.
4. The setting of "Brave New World" was not a monogamous environment. The practice did not exist, except perhaps among exiles (this was unclear). Promiscuity was the moral, normal behavior.
5. The word you're looking for is "slut", and slut shaming is passe. Whores are more properly called sex workers and have nothing to do with what you described. Though some of them do offer office hours, or so I've read.
6. What happened to your family is very vaguely related to this topic. If anything, your father ran off and thus proved my point about "biological destiny", not so?

Anonymous

Apr 26, 2019 at 8:40pm

@You get used to it.

You live in a Civilization which is declining. It's history. When societies break down they end up being replaced by less decadent, more dynamic ones.

What you have done is accuse me with a bunch of stupid "facts" -something you might do in real life which in that case you're a sad sick case, my friend.

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