I wish...

...I weren't disabled. I always wanted to have a family. I know I'm not going to now. Even if I could find a woman who was into me, if we got married or even lived together I'd lose my assistance from the Government. I see the people my age with kids, and I get so sad. Oh well. I guess I am lucky I got to be born, for most of history I would've died in the womb. But then I wouldn't have had to be in my mid 30s seeing people have families. Why isn't social assistance for disabled males enough for them to have families?


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May 26, 2019 at 1:31am

It doesn't have to be that way. I truly believe that there's someone out there for you. Please don't give up and do know that your soulmate is out there. Look a little harder and you'll find your family to be.

Don’t beat yourself up

May 26, 2019 at 2:15am

There are a lot of things in life that you can’t control, being disabled for one. There are non disabled guys who have trouble attracting women like myself. I have issues that I’m working on in therapy and hopefully I’ll be more attractive once I’ve dealt with them but even if I’m single for the rest of my life it doesn’t reduce my value as a human being. I know how hard it is to believe but I think you should think that for yourself. Find goals you can control like eating a little bit healthier and if you do something like go to a party set a goal to talk to someone you don’t know instead of setting a goal you can’t control like going home with a woman. Just hang out with friends (if you don’t have friends join a class or start a hobby that’s social), do things you enjoy, and take pressure off of yourself. You’re dealing with a lot right now, you deserve some relaxation.

20 9Rating: +11


May 26, 2019 at 7:25am

"Why isn't social assistance for disabled males enough for them to have families?"
Because the "Patriarchy".
Even if men are disabled,we still have it 100 times better than women. This is what pop culture,TV, and the media tells us....even though the opposite is true.
What? You don't have a $100k job that they'd pay a woman $75k for?
Any fool can tell you that 75% figure is pure BS- if it were so, every single woman would be employed,and almost all men would be unemployed as companies save every nickel they can.


May 26, 2019 at 8:45am

disabled females receive more social assistance than males ?


May 26, 2019 at 9:18am

Just keep being you. Being a nice person can be a rarity these days, and making children that makes a difference in this rat race is an important role. You are not your “disability”. The world does need more loving and caring humans. Just keep being good;)


May 26, 2019 at 9:33am

You don't lose PWD. They can decrease the money you get if you have other money coming in from a job or an inheritance or something but it will be there if you need it, as a minimum. Don't forget if you find someone they have an income too so it's not like you have to be the sole breadwinner. Good luck.


May 26, 2019 at 11:25pm

I’m sorry that you’re in that situation, but you should know that rates fo government disability don’t change based on the gender of the recipient. Disabled women, like me, are in the exact same situation. Men are no more interested in being with a disabled person than women are. It’s an unfortunate fact of life.

Because assistance is not income

May 27, 2019 at 10:40am

In theory, assistance is not income for a lifestyle, but a temporary bridge to your next job. The disability payment is higher because of the smaller job pool.

In the future - maybe the near future - there will be a universal basic income that will suffice for basic needs.

In the meantime, what to do? I have no clue. But it seems to me that it is always a good idea to be the happiest solo individual you can be - by developing the skills that interest and satisfy you the most - and that this will help every part of your life.

All the best to you.

9 12Rating: -3

@Because assistance is not income

May 27, 2019 at 4:25pm

You're confusing income assistance for able bodied people with pwd assistance---it's not supposed to be a stopgap between jobs, disabled people are not expected to seek work. There's an earnings exemption that is increasing mostly because it is all the Government can do---for every $10 they increase disability a month, I think the rolls are something like 100k people, so that is 12 million a year for every 10 increase---to increase disability even $100/month would create 120 million in new spending.

"States Parties recognize the right of persons with disabilities to an adequate standard of living for themselves and their families, including adequate food, clothing and housing, and to the continuous improvement of living conditions, and shall take appropriate steps to safeguard and promote the realization of this right without discrimination on the basis of disability."

is from the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities.

A single disabled individual is supposed to be provided with enough to support his entire family, his wife should not even have to work, unless she wants to. This should be in recognition of the fact that for much of history, disabled males were exceptionally disadvantaged when it came to having children, because while a disabled woman can often get pregnant, women will do a lot to avoid getting impregnated by a disabled man, unless he brings enough resources to the table. If a disabled woman is not infertile, she is one step closer to having a family than a disabled man is. In the extreme case, women can elect to have children without any relationship with a man, men cannot have a child without a continuing relationship with a woman.

As for the people saying you don't lose PWD, i don't think you lose te status, but the assistance is gear to a "family unit" income, so if your partner makes more than the cutoff for a two person family with one disabled person, then your assistance is clawed back---thinking a woman is going to take on a male with no income is foolhardy, plus, while my disability doesn't prevent me from keeping house, what if a male's disability prevented him from doing that? How's he going to afford a housekeeper? Maybe he qualifies under some other program, but he shouldn't need to beg for every little mess of pottage.

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