Don't care for sex.

posted July 22nd, 2019 at 1:45 PM

While I like the pleasure of sex or masturbation, I don't care for sex. I've been in a relationship for 4 years and I know its something that sours our relationship. I don't ever start it, he does, but when he does I usually go with it. I have started to wonder if I am Asexual in a way, it isn't just attraction to him or lack of attraction. Being sexually active enough has always been an issue in the relationships I've had. He has stuck it out, i really love him, we are best of friends too and I know I need to change but how? I dont have the drive for sex, and sometimes even scared to initiate it. Doesn't help I sometimes get pain from sex too, which started after having an abortion early in on our relationship. Why cant this just be easy?

6 Comments

Consider seeing a psychologist

Jul 22, 2019 at 7:56pm

Please consider seeing a registered psychologist that specializes in sexual health. It sounds like it could be a combination of many factors. With the right help, you may find some helpful insights or strategies and practices that can strengthen your relationship.

Can change over time

Jul 22, 2019 at 9:01pm

I used to think I had a low sex drive or was asexual, and it put a strain on every relationship I had. I experienced pain during sex as well.

The things that helped me find my groove were 1) spending some time getting in touch with my own body and learning how to female ejaculate; 2) finding a sexual partner that legit lights me up inside and turns me on; and 3) ensuring that there is a LOT of warmup time and foreplay prior to getting it in.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asexuality or low sex drive, but these things can definitely change when the right pieces of the puzzle are in place.

Local stores like Womyns Ware may be a good resource if you want to explore further. I also recently learned that there are pelvic physiotherapists (look into midwifery clinics) who may be able to give some insight on or help relieve sexual pain.

Good luck!

Are you

Jul 22, 2019 at 9:36pm

A Virgo?

Could be physical

Jul 22, 2019 at 10:08pm

You might want to consider seeing a gynaecologist to discuss this. Lots of people have low sex drives due to a lack of certain kinds of hormones, and there are remedies for it. Don’t just assume that you have to live with it until you’ve investigated all of the options. Sexual health is very important in most relationships.

I get it

Jul 23, 2019 at 9:21am

I'm in a situation like this too. I used to have a very high sex drive. VERY HIGH! But over the last few years, not so much. I also experience pain, as I think many many women do as they get older, I think most just don't talk about it. You're not alone.