Gender non-conforming person here

Im of the female sex. Growing up I did not like dresses, I liked to physically fight at recess, never got into make-up or playing with hair do’s but liked to dig in the dirt and I often didn’t like casual girl cloths and opted for looser “boy cloths”. I was told I wasn’t “girly” or that I acted like a “boy”, I’ve literally overheard people I don’t know referring to me a lesbian (Im not) and was made to feel wrong because I was a female doing “non-femenine” things. This was a theme the whole time I grew up. It took a long time for me to become confident in my womanhood and that was only possible when I acknowledged that referring to personality traits, clothing choices, preferences for anything from hair removal to accessory selection as “masculine or feminine” is toxic and inherently inaccurate. Each time I get asked my “gender” on a form the sad little confused girl inside quakes a bit as she’s faced again with expectation of what are “feminine” qualities. Male and female “gender” were constructed on inaccurate, limited and oppressive expectations that already neglected to acknowledge intersexed people. Doesn’t make sense to carry it on.


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What doesnt make sense

Jul 28, 2019 at 6:22am

Is to Not carry it on because 1/1000 person like yourself thinks because of your special situation society should adapt to you. Why does society have to change because of your uncommon situation?


Jul 28, 2019 at 8:38am

Blows my mind that there are down votes on this confession. Makes me wonder what sort of people read confessions.

I relate to everything you said. I was constantly mistaken for a boy growing up because I was the exact same way. Even now in my 30s I've been called a gentleman, mostly at work (labor job) , which is funny because I feel less androgynous than I did as a kid.

I even used to apologize to partners for not being as feminine as other women which is totally ridiculous and I smack my forehead now for even uttering those words. But as I get older I'm caring less and it's a huge relief.

I see so many parents letting their children express themselves in so many different ways and not letting their gender cage them. Gives me a tiny bit of hope that our perception of gender is changing for the better.


Jul 28, 2019 at 10:16am

Seems to me you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Women like you are rare, okay we get it. The real question is, what is it that you want?

a bit of a correction

Jul 28, 2019 at 6:33pm

Male and female "gender" has to do with biology identification on all the species through out the phylum of the animal tree.

Genetics are able to distinguish many things about an animals life cycle by charting how it reproduces in relation to environment.

By the same token, there are species(example deep sea species) that change "gender" in order to reproduce when there are not two genders for reproduction.

There is literally examples of gender helping arguments for both sides in a scientific sense.


Jul 28, 2019 at 8:20pm

I dunno. the majority of hat humans are are Male or female. based on genitalia and form, sure. the rest, like pink vs. blue, barbies vs. guns, sugar and spice and everything nice, or whether you wear pants or a skirt, tomboy vs. girlie girl, etc.etc. is all a societal contruct. DNA doesn't necessarily decide whether you prefer to play with barbies or work on a car engine....two fenders are the usual genetic outcome because the two genders were required for procreation. no we arent earthworms or amoebas that can suddenly decide to be Male and produce sperm...or self fertilize. we have to work with what our genetic deal us but societal "norms" are what cause most people grief regarding gender.


Jul 29, 2019 at 6:22am

Fun fact:
"Early Alzheimer's Diagnosis Is Less Likely in Women", because "women typically score higher than men on verbal memory tests, such as recalling words and lists, which involves the temporal lobe and hippocampus regions of the brain."
Which is due to "sex differences in brain structure and function. For example, the hippocampus region of the brain holds short- and long-term memory, as well as spatial memory and learning, and it is one of the first regions in the brain affected by Alzheimer’s. The hippocampus is larger in women than men. The amygdala, which is associated with emotions and recall, is larger in men than women."
And "women were found to metabolize glucose more efficiently, which may give women the ability to compensate for dementia damage and retain cognitive function longer."
All quotes from a Forbes article by Sherri Snelling, also sourcing Maria Carrillo, chief science officer for the Alzheimer’s Association.
So, not an expression of the patriarchy, but this is not the first mention of differences in biological and genetic expression among the genders. Or the hundredth. There are arguably enough differences to support an assertion that the various human genders are distinct breeds. Much like wolf and boxer among canines, but symbiotic - they need to mate in order to reproduce, because only some of the breeds are equipped with a functional uterus and all the other ovarian plumbing, and others with a penis, testes, etc.
Interestingly, recent developments in IVF research suggest that the human male will soon be entirely superfluous. Sperm can potentially be induced from stem cells.

Gender roles are social constructs, and they always have been. But biological expression is not.


Jul 29, 2019 at 9:25am

People keep commenting that this is rare, it isn't I'm the same way, so are a lot of female friends. From a very early age I hated the notion that girls were expected to act and dress one way and boys another. I disliked pretty much anything girly and still do. I was a "tomboy" often mistaken for a boy until I hit puberty. I like being a woman but I do not like boxes, I believe that should apply to both sexes.


Jul 29, 2019 at 12:14pm

Different genders are "different breeds?" give me a break, you are a lunatic. Also, I've heard the "human male will become superfluous" opinion for decades now, it ain't going to happen. It's right up there with all food will be in pill form, humans will someday never need to sleep , flying cars and cities on the moon.

You go Girl

Jul 29, 2019 at 1:49pm

Gender and Sex are confusing. Ruth Bader Ginsberg used Gender instead of Sex in her landmark discrimination suit because it sounded more genteel, did not have the newspaper readers frowning in the 70s. Now many people think it means the same thing, while others think that Sex is your biological status as male or female and Gender refers to presentation as masculine or feminine.

Personally, I totally agree with you that "masculine" and "feminine" are toxic ideas. They are stereotypes about the aggressive yet controlled man and the yielding yet passionate woman.

It sucks to get confronted with this tedious limited segregation/genderizing of feelings and actions over and over again.

It's nonsense.

And I hope you feel 100% you, a free agent and independent person, regardless of how other people might see you or categorize your style and hobbies.

Ultimately, you have to answer to yourself, not those who want to put you in one box or another.


Jul 29, 2019 at 5:15pm

My experience here has accustomed me to name-calling, and ignorance is what I mostly expect. So, thanks for checking that box.
There are at least three types of flying cars in production phase. And those are just the ones I know of.
Meal replacements already exist in liquid form, though we don't have pills for that. Yet. Pills for lots of other things, certainly.
Cities on the moon are currently at the project planning stage. But if I had to bet, I'd say China, India or the Russians might get there first. Probs within a decade or two. The private sector is too busy chasing other pipe dreams.
The US military has some heavy-duty pharma that can keep you up for ages. The only obvious immediate side effect is that you hate everything and everybody. Which is not really a problem in military terms. More like a feature. You can get it OTC abroad.
The IVF thing has already been successfully done in mice. Female stem cells were induced into sperm in the reproductive system of a different female - successful conception, gestation, and birth of healthy offspring. No male mice involved at any stage of the process. Only in Japan, appropriately, since their population largely went on BirthStrike for over a decade now, with no end in sight.

Finally, I may be a lunatic, as you say. But for reasons unrelated to any of that.

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