Opposites Attract?

I'm an introvert and have classically been with extroverts who took a shine to me. It led to a lot of awkward situations for me when really I just needed to be with another introvert.


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Opposites attract, birds of the same feather fly together

Jul 17, 2019 at 6:25pm

I’m an introvert, I have a couple of extrovert friends, but I can’t imagine dating one. How do you negotiate alone vs together time / evenings / weekends / places to go? I certainly find extroverts attractive, but it’s usually such a drastically different set of preferences I wouldn’t think to pursue a relationship.

totally understand

Jul 17, 2019 at 10:27pm

but no doubt some idiot will tell you that you need to be with an extrovert so you can expand your boundaries.

Ya !

Jul 18, 2019 at 2:26am

Good luck with that.
Two introverts
Who would start the initial conversation?
Or would you just sit and stare at each other from across the room.
With never ending love in your little hearts.

@ Ya!

Jul 18, 2019 at 1:30pm

You really don't know what you are talking about, do you?


Jul 18, 2019 at 4:26pm

One gets used to that. Mostly.

Opposites attract, but commonalities keep people together over the long term. An ambivert can make it work with an extrovert, as long as the innate trend is not more introverted in terms of mental energy (I am this). Likewise, an ambivert does well with an introvert, where an equilibrium of solitude and socialization is workable.
An extrovert with an introvert will eventually be at risk of getting their face torn off. A bit like pulling a hermit crab out of its shell. Once in a while is fine, but not so much on the regular. And if I constantly have to engage and entertain someone, we're not going to be buddies. They can visit, of course. But only self-programming and highly individualistic people are welcome to stay in the house.
Two introverts can be quite happy together, but the problem lies in mutually reinforcing isolation. The pair becomes a hermetically sealed unit, and all others feel like unwelcome intruders. That's not merely unsustainable, it's a really bad idea. Way too comfortable. Humans do best with at least some interaction and outside relationships, besides just pair-bonding.
Fresh thinking is as important as fresh blood.
Mmm, blood...


Jul 19, 2019 at 12:50pm

There's that assumption that there would be no fresh thinking - new experiences with an introvert couple. Maybe if they were 100% insular, but most people aren't. Most people -including introverts- are interested in having new experiences/new thoughts.
Even if it's just different books, new movies & food, or a taking different routes to get somewhere.

Feel ya

Jul 19, 2019 at 6:50pm

I’m dealing with a similar situation right now. I’ve only recently realized that a lot of the issues I experience with my guy is because he needs constant stimulation (either people, tv, or loud music playing) and I hate it! I like quiet, except for the times when I’m up for more stimulation. Otherwise I get very stressed out and then fights happen. I’m an ambivert but I lean more towards the introvert side for sure. It can be exhausting for both of us trying to navigate this situation.

15 9Rating: +6


Jul 19, 2019 at 7:29pm

It's not an assumption.
Humans naturally seek out information they agree with, and experiences that are comfortable to them. Not just introverts, this is true of the species as a whole.
We have innate cognitive biases that create a perceptual universe, only somewhat related to the real one. And we avoid anything that goes against our biases, when we don't ignore it completely.
True cognitive diversity requires other humans, preferably in far-away places and/or from other cultures, who disagree with us, often radically. Needed for true "diversity".

Yes, two introverts are prone to monoculture and groupthink. Just like any other self-selecting and voluntarily segregated group. Obvious and true.
I used to be much more introverted, and kept similar company. Very real and quite limiting.
Not so much now, though I'm still mostly around introverts. But they're even bigger risk junkies than I am, and their diversity of life experience almost matches mine.
We live in a big and very rapidly changing world. That isolating practice is just a bad idea.

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