There are bounderies now

My sister had 1 year of sobriety under her belt finally. I was so proud of her (still am, of course) and couldn't believe what am amazing change she had made. A week ago she decided to go out and get drunk. She's been drinking ever since.. I'm expecting my first baby any day now.. I always had a feeling this would happen but was praying it wouldn't. I don't understand why she had to do it now. Why now of all times? She's not a nice drunk. She screams, slams doors, throws things.. I won't subject my baby to that type of toxic environment. I'm working up the courage to tell her that if she's drunk when I go into labour she's not welcome at the hospital when I deliver the baby. There's no way in hell I'd let her hold my baby when she can barely stand or speak without slurring. I've always been intimidated by her because she can get so nasty. I have a hard time being up front and standing my ground but now that there's an innocent baby involved I know I have to do what's right. It doesn't matter if she's in the wrong, when I tell her my delivery/hospital bounderies she's going to flip and call me every name in the book. I guess I always felt like agreeing with people simply to avoid conflict was the best option for my anxiety but this is different this time. I have to draw the line for my baby girl. She has to know there are bounderies. I'm so nervous to tell her.


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We got your back

Aug 21, 2019 at 6:36am

Tell her and know that you have the support of every family that has had to deal with something similar. It's the right thing to do and when your sister sobers up and accepts treatment she'll understand. Stay strong.

I Think I Understand

Aug 21, 2019 at 6:50am

But maybe you don't. Although i know nothing about your sister or you. From your short paragraph i can see what's happening.

You are pregnant. You seem like a sensible person who may even have her shit together. Your sister on the other hand, gets drunk and lashes out. I know how this goes as I myself can sometimes be like this. Not to this extent of been super horrible but here's what i'm thinking. You are the good daughter, and always have been. Sister has always been trying to keep up and always fails. You and or the family kind of make it known she s not good enough (although maybe you don't mean to). Then She goes from her horrible bad ways, to not drinking about doing better in her life. Shes finally getting her shit together.. then.. you get pregnant. She is happy for you, and she is doing well because shes not being drinking , but she probably is really slipping down the hole again because it's all about you and the baby now. So it's been one year since shes had a drink, and you are so happy and excited. Shes says fuck it, I don't want to deal with this (this being you being happy while she isn't)

Maybe i'm wrong but that's how i would feel if i had a sister and i was in a bad place. You just can't know until your there.

Been there

Aug 21, 2019 at 8:36am

So sorry to hear of your sister's struggles. As the adult child of an alcoholic I can understand the anxiety your desire to set boundaries is causing. Ultimately, I think, it's up to your sister to take responsibility for her behaviours and the impact of those behaviours on you and others. You're right to set the boundaries and you're right to communicate those boundaries clearly and unequivocally to her. She won't like it, but hopefully it will be a wake-up call. The birth of a child is crazy enough without having to police a drunk relative. I sincerely hope you have a peaceful time with your new baby. All the best.

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Take care of your baby first

Aug 21, 2019 at 8:48am

You’re right to feel overly protective of your upcoming newborn. Do not endanger the safety of your baby for ANYONE, strangers or family. Doesn’t matter if it’s your sister; if she’s drunk, hungover, in withdrawal, you decide the narrative and control when it’s safe for your sister to be with your baby. You will come across countless situations where your baby may be in danger and you will develop a hyper vigilant stance to detect these situations. You already have your senses aware about the risk your sister poses so that is good. I say this because my young daughter has a pill popping/alcoholic grandmother, and there is no way in Hell grandmother will ever spend time alone with my daughter. Grandmother has already lost her drivers licence once for driving while high. Don’t ever let your sister win at bullying you via anger etc to spend time with your kid if she’s drunk/hungover. As Mama, you have all the control so use it.

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Good for you.

Aug 21, 2019 at 11:08am

Telling her will make you feel good. It should. You're taking control of your domain, your life, your family. She doesn't have any right to seeing or being around you or your baby just because she's blood. Never feel bad for standing up for yourself or your loved ones.

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tell her to switch to cannabis

Aug 21, 2019 at 11:15am

everyone's mellow on that.

It Doesn't Matter

Aug 21, 2019 at 12:16pm

What's her phone number? I will tell her for you.

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Aug 21, 2019 at 1:33pm

Would she want to come to the hospital for your delivery? Pregnant women seem to think people beyond their partner are interested in their spawn. Not so! Babies are boring as hell to literally everyone but their own parents. You are not taking away a treat lol. You are probably doing her a favour. Don’t worry about telling her - she will not be mad.

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Jason McNally

Aug 21, 2019 at 1:54pm

So sorry to read this but this isn't about you. Sis is an addict displaying addict behavior.

You need to establish boundaries to protect you and your baby.

How she reacts is not your problem.

Go to an Al anon meeting and learn about these matters.

Good luck, you will be a good Mom I'm sure.


Aug 21, 2019 at 2:44pm

Babies are NOT boring to everyone but their own parents?!? I love babies and find them ALL fascinating.

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