Dining and dishes of disrespect

I had the displeasure of being invited to mandatory work meals with people in my office. I would never voluntarily dine with any of these people. I observed them talking to Person 1, and then once that Person 1 left the table to get back to meetings, this group would shit-talk about them. I don’t trust any of these people and never will. One of them then sent me a Facebook friend request. As if I would allow them to peer into my personal life and shit-talk about what they see about me! If I never have to attend a forced meal with these scumbags again, that would be ideal. My dad was a great conversationalist: discussing world affairs, politics, human nature, with humour and insight. My expectations for group conversations are still based on this therefore I should feign getting hit by a bus the next time a work event comes up.

11 Comments

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Tell them youll be there always

Oct 6, 2019 at 10:20pm

Just never show up.

13 9Rating: +4

yvr_lurker

Oct 6, 2019 at 11:50pm

I fully agree with this. I keep my work life and my personal life as separate as can be. I haven't been to the annual dinner put on by my employer for 19 years now. Every year I make up a lame excuse to get out of it. I am good at my job, work hard, and am efficient, but have no interest in hanging out after work and hearing office gossip or other shite. Am perfectly happy in my social circle outside of work.

26 5Rating: +21

I haven't had a migraine in over 15 years

Oct 7, 2019 at 12:50am

but I maintain "chronic migraine sufferer" as part of my identity. For some reason, nobody questions my credibility when I decide to feign one suddenly (!) coming on, and tell them that the only medication I have that works for them is at home.
I also don't feel guilty for being such a liar/ good actor.
I should be in Hollywood.

Necessity

Oct 7, 2019 at 7:07am

"Man is by nature a political animal..." - Aristotle
I had to create a social persona for this, not being a particularly sociable person myself. The curse (in this use case) of introversion. Took a while.

Very unfortunate but very true. Coworkers are expected to provide occasional social company for (and to validate) each other. Unspoken requirement of a job. More generally, it's also an expectation in any project, initiative, conference, connection, or commonality of any kind.
And sh*t-talking is very normalized these days - a form of validation and bonding. There's even a dating app based around it, appropriately named Hater.
If you expect to stay at this place (or anywhere, really), read "The Fine Art of Small Talk" by Debra Fine (heh, she so witty) like it's a manual, and develop your fake sincerity to a credible level. Add it to your qualifications, and weaponize it for interviews, job searches and networking functions. Essential.
And if you must Facebook, or generally mediasocialize, create SFW fake profiles for this purpose: sanitized nature stills, sanitized LinkedIn photos, sanitized pet snaps, sanitized inspirational quotes. Those who ask about your "legacy" posts, hear all about how sappy, sentimental and cheesy your other profile is. And that you're embarrassed to share it with anyone, especially at work. Probably true, at least the last part. But regardless, it's a socially acceptable and highly believable lie (practice your lying skills).
The primary purpose of social media is MARKETING, both TO you (of sellable stuff) and OF you (to others). Any other use, or socialization, is incidental.
Best when used correctly.

What the?

Oct 7, 2019 at 9:20am

Forced meals with other staff? That can't be right. I would refuse. Meal time is for respite, however a person chooses to use it. Check labour laws.

21 7Rating: +14

It Doesn't Matter

Oct 7, 2019 at 10:31am

You sound like a great person to be around

Necessity

Oct 7, 2019 at 11:00am

"Man is by nature a political animal..." - Aristotle
I had to create a social persona for this, not being a particularly sociable person myself. The curse (in this use case) of introversion. Took a while.

Very unfortunate but very true. Coworkers are expected to provide occasional social company for (and to validate) each other. Unspoken requirement of a job. More generally, it's also an expectation in any project, initiative, conference, connection, or commonality of any kind.
And sh*t-talking is very normalized these days - a form of validation and bonding. There's even a dating app based around it, appropriately named Hater.
If you expect to stay at this place (or anywhere, really), read "The Fine Art of Small Talk" by Debra Fine (heh, she so witty) like it's a manual, and develop your fake sincerity to a credible level. Add it to your qualifications, and weaponize it for interviews, job searches and networking functions. Essential.
And if you must Facebook, or generally mediasocialize, create SFW fake profiles for this purpose: sanitized nature stills, sanitized LinkedIn photos, sanitized pet snaps, sanitized inspirational quotes. Those who ask about your "legacy" posts, hear all about how sappy, sentimental and cheesy your other profile is. And that you're embarrassed to share it with anyone, especially at work. Probably true, at least the last part. But regardless, it's a socially acceptable and highly believable lie (practice your lying skills).
The primary purpose of social media is MARKETING, both TO you (of sellable stuff) and OF you (to others). Any other use, or socialization, is incidental.
Best when used correctly.

9 8Rating: +1

I believe...

Oct 7, 2019 at 11:31am

..you are overstating things a bit here. But putting that aside, having a job does come with the expectation of the odd social event/occasion. It probably wouldn’t kill you to suck it up a bit, pick a table to tolerate, and enjoy a meal with colleagues. Not the end the planet.

No kidding

Oct 7, 2019 at 1:05pm

I never go to work parties. I just have a nice quiet dinner by myself because it allows me to concentrate and be alone with my thoughts. That and spending quality alone time with a lover as well. And I never add anyone from work on social media.

17 7Rating: +10

Anonymous

Oct 7, 2019 at 4:13pm

i hate that shit and never participate for a number of reasons

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